Archive for month: April, 2018

Child between parents trying to understand divorce

Your Kids and Divorce: Mediating a Child-First Divorce

What do kids and divorce negotiations have to do with one another?

A lot! (for parents).

Thinking about your kids could be the best decision you’ll make in your divorce negotiation.

Your Kids’ Shoes

I recently wrapped up a mediation that was a model child-centered divorce.

The parents weren’t buddies. They didn’t spend a lot of time together. They disagreed a lot during mediation.

In fact, they didn’t particularly like each other.

But they love their kids, and despite the obvious personal tension between them they embraced their redefined relationship: co-parents for life.

And they realized that to make a great parenting plan they needed some perspective.

Kids and Divorce Mediation

What kind of perspective?

Your kids!

Some would ask what a child’s perspective has to do with divorce negotiations, so let me explain.

The degree to which your parenting plan meets your children’s needs can profoundly affect how well they adapt to divorce.

My divorce mediation clients worked hard to put themselves in their children’s shoes and consider their perspective when crafting the parenting schedule, holiday division, and the many other parts of their parenting plan.

And the way in which they did this was usually subtle. They’d ask questions like:

She has all these activities…what kind of drop-off arrangement do we think would be least stressful for her?

You know, she’s really worried about the dog…would you ever consider having her bring the dog with her when she’s at your place?

He’s really anxious and worried about upsetting either of us…can we figure out how to explain the plan to him together? Maybe we can have a family meeting?

You know his friends are his life…we need to figure out a way to make sure we’re on the same page about play dates and birthday parties…

I think alternating Christmas, which is what I’d personally like to do, would be devastating for them…how can we make this work so it’s still special for them and not impossible for us?

Your Kids and Divorce…

Walking in your kids’ shoes for a moment can take the focus away from your spousal conflict and place it on what binds you most meaningfully: your children.

And will lead to a better child-centered parenting plan.

Woman at home holding a mobile phone with podcast app in the screen

What is a Mediator? Mediation Questions Answered on the Inside Divorce Podcast

I had a blast recently being interviewed by divorce attorney Cynthia Auckly-Barbuto of the Law Firm of Grossman & Associates (now Sassoon Cymrot Law) in Newton, MA. Cynthia hosted an edition of their Inside Divorce Podcast. We spent a half hour answering questions like “What is a mediator?” and “How can mediation help parents in high conflict situations divorce?”

Hear Ben Stich Featured on the INSIDE DIVORCE PODCAST

My interview on the Inside Divorce Podcast is described on their website as:

On Inside Divorce Episode 17, Cynthia Auckly-Barbuto, Senior Associate Attorney at Grossman & Associates, speaks with Ben Stich, LICSW, M.Ed., a Family and Divorce Mediator in Natick, MA (www.benstich.com). Ben specializes in separation and divorce mediation, parenting, modification, decision-making & communication, as well as martial issues. Ben also mediates elder issues like estate planning and end of life planning. Ben specializes in interest based facilitated mediation. In this episode Ben talks about different strategies he often uses in high conflict cases to best reach resolution in the mediation process. Ben is also an instructor for the Commonwealth’s only mandated High Conflict Parenting Education Program at William James College. The course is 9-weeks and focuses on conflict resolution & skill development.

What is a mediator? Hear me answer that and other questions about mediation, high conflict parenting, and divorce.

Grossman & Associates is a full service family law firm that prides itself on going above and beyond for their clients. They attend to the big matters and small matters with same attention and detail that all clients deserve.

If this interview was of interest please check out Ben’s interview with Alan Margulis from the Total Counselor Show on WCRN.

To learn more about divorce mediation or family mediation contact mediator Ben Stich for more information.