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One of the Benefits of Divorce Mediation in Massachusetts: “Winning”
There are so many myths about divorce and divorce mediation.
Here’s one: Winning
Let’s be real: divorce should not be a contest. There are no shiny trophies at the end, no confetti raining down to celebrate who “won” the biggest chunk of the house, the kids, or the dog. In fact, if you’re in a mindset of “winning” in divorce, you’re likely to “lose”—lose more money, more time, more peace, and lose opportunity for your children to experience less stress.
Because here’s the truth—the only real win is a collaborative win, especially when it comes to your kids.
Winning Redefined: One of the Benefits of Divorce Mediation
In divorce mediation, it’s tempting to focus on getting the upper hand, but this can lead to unnecessary conflict and hurt. Instead, one of the benefits of divorce mediation in Massachusetts is that it offers a chance to rethink “winning” as creating solutions where both of you come out better than you thought possible.
Are you seriously telling me that divorce mediation is kumbaya?
Of course not. Divorce requires difficult decisions. After all, there are finite financial resources and a finite amount of time to spend with children. There are always gains and losses when it comes to divorce. But you can work together to create a balanced agreement where you both feel heard and respected. That’s the real win.
Examples of the Benefits of Redefining Winning in Divorce Mediation:
Parenting Example
Take parenting time. You could push for all the overnights or weekends, but will that really be best for your kids, or are you just trying to “win” the most time?
A true win-win might involve a flexible parenting schedule that prioritizes the kids’ well-being, giving them quality time with both parents. Maybe one parent has the kids during the school week, while the other gets more time during holidays and vacations. Maybe there are a lot of short periods of time with each parent because it’s best for the children to see each parent frequently. Or perhaps it’s better to have a schedule with as few transitions as possible because your child struggles with transitions. It’s about what works best for the family, not who gets the most time (your children are not possessions to be split up!).
Asset Division Example
Or, let’s talk think about asset division—a common battleground. Instead of fighting to keep the assets that are most important you why not work together to accomplish both your goals? Maybe one spouse stays in the house until the kids are out of school, and then it’s sold, with the proceeds split. Or you keep more retirement assets because retiring soon is your highest priority and your spouse keeps more equity in the house because perhaps homeownership is their highest priority.
Child Support Example
Then there’s child support. Instead of looking at support as a loss for you and a gain for them, think of it as ensuring both of you as parents can meet your children’s needs. Maybe it strictly follows the child support guidelines and maybe it’s structured creatively.
Creating Balanced Agreements is One of the Benefits of Divorce Mediation in Massachusetts
Divorce doesn’t have to be about beating your spouse—it can be about finding a way forward that works for everyone. A joint win means reaching agreements that honor your needs, respect your spouse’s interests, and—most importantly if you are parents—set your kids up for success.
So, no, there’s no “winner” in divorce. But with the right mindset, you can walk away with something that feels fair and equitable to both of you.
If you would like to learn more about how divorce mediation or collaborative law might help your situation please schedule a complementary half-hour divorce mediation consultation with Ben Stich or a member of his stellar mediation team.
Photo by Jelly Dollar on Unsplash
How Divorce Mediation Helps Couples Divide Assets Fairly
Divorce is overwhelming for so many reasons, not the least of which are the financial implications of separating. Figuring out how to support two households instead of one and still accomplish your financial goals are parts of the challenges of divorce. While asset division is never easy, and hard decisions are required, this post will briefly explain how divorce mediation helps couples divide assets fairly and equitably.
What is asset division?
There is a common misconception that couples are required to divide everything equally. Not so!
Massachusetts follows the principle of “equitable distribution” when dividing property in a divorce. Equitable does not necessarily mean equal; instead, it means dividing assets fairly. The goal is to ensure a just outcome that might be 50/50 but not necessarily 50/50.
All divorcing couples are required to disclose all financial assets and liabilities to each other and to the court using court financial statements. This includes financial accounts like bank accounts, investment accounts and retirement accounts and real property like the value of real estate, vehicles, and jewelry. All liabilities must also be disclosed. All assets and liabilities need to be addressed in the divorce agreement, which is called a Separation Agreement in Massachusetts.
How divorce mediation helps couples divide assets fairly
Your mediator will guide you through the financial disclosure process and ensure you have both reviewed the other’s financial statement. The mediator will then facilitate a discussion about your financial interests. Interests I often hear about in mediation include:
- I’d like to be able to afford to be a homeowner
- I want to be able to retire before I’m 70
- I want to be able to put the kids through college
- I want to get debt-free
- I want to afford to move overseas
- I’d like to stay in my community so I can remain connected to my congregation and friends
Once interests are determined it easier to work together to decide how to divide assets in way that is fair, reasonable, and equitable.
Consider this example from one of my mediations:
Spouse A wants to be a homeowner and plans to work “until I drop.” They have a large retirement savings from previous jobs.
Spouse B wants to retire at 65. They are a homeowner but have little retirement savings.
Option 1: Divide 50/50.
If they divided things 50/50 Spouse A would not have enough cash to be a homeowner and Spouse B would not have enough retirement savings to retire by 65. They would both lose!
Option 2: Make decisions based on interests.
By making interest-based financial decisions Spouse A received the house and spouse B received a very high percentage of the retirement assets. Win-win!
Are there other financial issues we need to figure out in our divorce?
Yes! If you are parents decisions need to be made about child support and other child-related expenses like activities, uninsured expenses, and schooling. Spousal support, which is commonly known as alimony, may also be a consideration. Your mediator will guide you through all those decisions.
Can I change my mind about property division after the divorce?
No. All property division in a Separation Agreement functions as an independent contract (the legal term is “survives” the judgment of divorce). That means unless fraud was committed once assets are divided they cannot be undivided by the court.
How can I learn more about how mediation can help us divide assets fairly?
If you would to learn more about how mediation can help you divide assets fairly schedule a free half-hour consultation with Ben.
Photo by Steven Van Loy on Unsplash
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One of the Benefits of Divorce Mediation in Massachusetts: “Winning”
There are so many myths about divorce and divorce mediation.
Here’s one: Winning
Let’s be real: divorce should not be a contest. There are no shiny trophies at the end, no confetti raining down to celebrate who “won” the biggest chunk of the house, the kids, or the dog. In fact, if you’re in a mindset of “winning” in divorce, you’re likely to “lose”—lose more money, more time, more peace, and lose opportunity for your children to experience less stress.
Because here’s the truth—the only real win is a collaborative win, especially when it comes to your kids.
Winning Redefined: One of the Benefits of Divorce Mediation
In divorce mediation, it’s tempting to focus on getting the upper hand, but this can lead to unnecessary conflict and hurt. Instead, one of the benefits of divorce mediation in Massachusetts is that it offers a chance to rethink “winning” as creating solutions where both of you come out better than you thought possible.
Are you seriously telling me that divorce mediation is kumbaya?
Of course not. Divorce requires difficult decisions. After all, there are finite financial resources and a finite amount of time to spend with children. There are always gains and losses when it comes to divorce. But you can work together to create a balanced agreement where you both feel heard and respected. That’s the real win.
Examples of the Benefits of Redefining Winning in Divorce Mediation:
Parenting Example
Take parenting time. You could push for all the overnights or weekends, but will that really be best for your kids, or are you just trying to “win” the most time?
A true win-win might involve a flexible parenting schedule that prioritizes the kids’ well-being, giving them quality time with both parents. Maybe one parent has the kids during the school week, while the other gets more time during holidays and vacations. Maybe there are a lot of short periods of time with each parent because it’s best for the children to see each parent frequently. Or perhaps it’s better to have a schedule with as few transitions as possible because your child struggles with transitions. It’s about what works best for the family, not who gets the most time (your children are not possessions to be split up!).
Asset Division Example
Or, let’s talk think about asset division—a common battleground. Instead of fighting to keep the assets that are most important you why not work together to accomplish both your goals? Maybe one spouse stays in the house until the kids are out of school, and then it’s sold, with the proceeds split. Or you keep more retirement assets because retiring soon is your highest priority and your spouse keeps more equity in the house because perhaps homeownership is their highest priority.
Child Support Example
Then there’s child support. Instead of looking at support as a loss for you and a gain for them, think of it as ensuring both of you as parents can meet your children’s needs. Maybe it strictly follows the child support guidelines and maybe it’s structured creatively.
Creating Balanced Agreements is One of the Benefits of Divorce Mediation in Massachusetts
Divorce doesn’t have to be about beating your spouse—it can be about finding a way forward that works for everyone. A joint win means reaching agreements that honor your needs, respect your spouse’s interests, and—most importantly if you are parents—set your kids up for success.
So, no, there’s no “winner” in divorce. But with the right mindset, you can walk away with something that feels fair and equitable to both of you.
If you would like to learn more about how divorce mediation or collaborative law might help your situation please schedule a complementary half-hour divorce mediation consultation with Ben Stich or a member of his stellar mediation team.
Photo by Jelly Dollar on Unsplash
How Divorce Mediation Helps Couples Divide Assets Fairly
Divorce is overwhelming for so many reasons, not the least of which are the financial implications of separating. Figuring out how to support two households instead of one and still accomplish your financial goals are parts of the challenges of divorce. While asset division is never easy, and hard decisions are required, this post will briefly explain how divorce mediation helps couples divide assets fairly and equitably.
What is asset division?
There is a common misconception that couples are required to divide everything equally. Not so!
Massachusetts follows the principle of “equitable distribution” when dividing property in a divorce. Equitable does not necessarily mean equal; instead, it means dividing assets fairly. The goal is to ensure a just outcome that might be 50/50 but not necessarily 50/50.
All divorcing couples are required to disclose all financial assets and liabilities to each other and to the court using court financial statements. This includes financial accounts like bank accounts, investment accounts and retirement accounts and real property like the value of real estate, vehicles, and jewelry. All liabilities must also be disclosed. All assets and liabilities need to be addressed in the divorce agreement, which is called a Separation Agreement in Massachusetts.
How divorce mediation helps couples divide assets fairly
Your mediator will guide you through the financial disclosure process and ensure you have both reviewed the other’s financial statement. The mediator will then facilitate a discussion about your financial interests. Interests I often hear about in mediation include:
- I’d like to be able to afford to be a homeowner
- I want to be able to retire before I’m 70
- I want to be able to put the kids through college
- I want to get debt-free
- I want to afford to move overseas
- I’d like to stay in my community so I can remain connected to my congregation and friends
Once interests are determined it easier to work together to decide how to divide assets in way that is fair, reasonable, and equitable.
Consider this example from one of my mediations:
Spouse A wants to be a homeowner and plans to work “until I drop.” They have a large retirement savings from previous jobs.
Spouse B wants to retire at 65. They are a homeowner but have little retirement savings.
Option 1: Divide 50/50.
If they divided things 50/50 Spouse A would not have enough cash to be a homeowner and Spouse B would not have enough retirement savings to retire by 65. They would both lose!
Option 2: Make decisions based on interests.
By making interest-based financial decisions Spouse A received the house and spouse B received a very high percentage of the retirement assets. Win-win!
Are there other financial issues we need to figure out in our divorce?
Yes! If you are parents decisions need to be made about child support and other child-related expenses like activities, uninsured expenses, and schooling. Spousal support, which is commonly known as alimony, may also be a consideration. Your mediator will guide you through all those decisions.
Can I change my mind about property division after the divorce?
No. All property division in a Separation Agreement functions as an independent contract (the legal term is “survives” the judgment of divorce). That means unless fraud was committed once assets are divided they cannot be undivided by the court.
How can I learn more about how mediation can help us divide assets fairly?
If you would to learn more about how mediation can help you divide assets fairly schedule a free half-hour consultation with Ben.
Photo by Steven Van Loy on Unsplash