Posts
Divorce Advice: Interview with the Divorce Resource Guy Podcast
Ben discusses his approach to divorce mediation and divorce advice with The Divorce Resource Guy, Jason Levoy!
Divorce Coach
Jason Levoy is a former divorce attorney, now turned divorce coach. His mission is to educate, empower and help you understand the divorce process from an attorney’s point of view. Jason’s coaching will provide you the tools and knowledge you need to communicate effectively during your divorce.
His goal is to empower you with the information you NEED TO KNOW so you can make the best decisions in your divorce and your life.
Let’s Talk Divorce Mediation Advice
Jason and I had a wonderful conversation about the ways divorce mediation can help couples resolve their divorce outside of litigation. I hope you take a moment to listen to learn how mediation might help you and the support Jason provides to his divorce coaching clients.
How can I learn more about family and divorce mediation?
If you would to learn more about divorce and family mediation schedule a free half-hour consultation with Ben.
Photo by Neil Thomas on Unsplash
Choosing the Right Divorce Mediator
Next to the loss of a loved one it is said that divorce is arguably the most stressful experience one can have. It is important that you pick a divorce mediator who can guide you through the complex divorce process in Massachusetts.
Trust, comfort, and confidence in your divorce mediator is essential. Trust in their integrity. Comfort with their style and approach. And confidence in their knowledge and skills. Knowing how to choose a divorce mediator is an important step in moving forward with a collaborative divorce process.
Questions to Ask When Hiring a Divorce Mediator in Massachusetts
- How long have you been mediating?
Look for someone with experience. How many divorce mediations are they currently working on? - What is your background and why did you become a mediator?
Some mediators are social workers, some attorneys, some financial experts, and more. Why did they get in to mediation? - What differentiates you from other mediators?
Every mediator has strengths they bring to the table and they should match what you believe you need. What sets them apart from other mediators? - What are your rates?
Mediators should be up front with all associated divorce mediation costs. - How long will this process take?
Mediators cannot predict the future. However, they should be able to guesstimate a range of sessions you will need after asking you a few questions. - How does the paperwork get completed?
Some mediators provide the court forms and others don’t. Some draft the Separation Agreement and others only a Memorandum of Understanding (MOU) that would be brought to an attorney for drafting. A good divorce mediator should outline in detail the services offered. - How do you handle conflict?
Every mediator has approaches they use to manage conflict that arise in divorce negotiations. They should be able to describe some of the ways they manage difficult conversations. - What does the divorce process involve?
In any consultation a mediator should be able to provide a general overview of a 1A uncontested divorce process. Ask about the decisions that need to be made, the legal standards the probate and family court use to approve decisions, and for a description of the hearing process. - How were you trained and how do you keep up with current practice?
Most mediators affiliate with mediation organizations. Others have continuing education requirements as part of their professional licensing. - How would you describe your mediation style?
There are formal styles (facilitative, evaluative, and transformative). Mediators should be able to describe their own personal style. - What ethics, values and principles do you follow?
Any mediator should describe the core principles of mediation. Similarly, they should describe their personal guiding values.
The Single Most Important Factor in How to Choose a Divorce Mediator in Massachusetts (or anywhere!)
Fit.
You will be sharing deeply personal information. Determining your financial future. Crafting a co-parenting plan to help your children have the best possible childhood.
Bottom line: it is critical that you both feel secure and comfort with your mediator.
Trying to choose a divorce mediator in Massachusetts or New England? Contact Ben Stich if you would like to ask him any of these questions in a free divorce mediation consultation.
Divorce with Children – An Interview with Ben Stich
I was honored to be interviewed by Natalie Armstrong from the Marketing Resolution YouTube Channel on Tuesday from among the many stellar divorce and family mediators she knows. The interview was fun, brief, and hopefully informative for viewers interested in learning about family and divorce mediation. Check it out!
Divorcing with Children: An Interview with Divorce Mediator Ben Stich
When there is a divorce with children an effective separation agreement can set the stage for better outcomes for kids. One of her goals from the interview was to help viewers learn how mediation helps parents craft a child-centered custody arrangement and parenting plan.
About Mediator Natalie Armstrong-Motin
Natalie is a fierce advocate of dispute resolution practices. She promotes divorce mediators and dispute resolution experts from a range of industries, including family law. Her goal is to increase awareness of peace-making resources that exist throughout the world. To that end, her YouTube Channel is a volunteer venture and does not produce income for her or the interviewee.
To learn more about Natalie’s work promoting mediation professionals check out The Marketing Resolution YouTube channel.
Her channel is all about the resolution industry. It highlights the providers – the mediators, arbitrators, collaborators, facilitators, trainers, authors, speakers, bloggers, organizations, associations, and laws. Contact Natalie Armstrong-Motin at Marketing Resolution
What is a Mediator? Mediation Questions Answered on the Inside Divorce Podcast
I had a blast recently being interviewed by divorce attorney Cynthia Auckly-Barbuto of the Law Firm of Grossman & Associates (now Sassoon Cymrot Law) in Newton, MA. Cynthia hosted an edition of their Inside Divorce Podcast. We spent a half hour answering questions like “What is a mediator?” and “How can mediation help parents in high conflict situations divorce?”
Hear Ben Stich Featured on the INSIDE DIVORCE PODCAST
My interview on the Inside Divorce Podcast is described on their website as:
On Inside Divorce Episode 17, Cynthia Auckly-Barbuto, Senior Associate Attorney at Grossman & Associates, speaks with Ben Stich, LICSW, M.Ed., a Family and Divorce Mediator in Natick, MA (www.benstich.com). Ben specializes in separation and divorce mediation, parenting, modification, decision-making & communication, as well as martial issues. Ben also mediates elder issues like estate planning and end of life planning. Ben specializes in interest based facilitated mediation. In this episode Ben talks about different strategies he often uses in high conflict cases to best reach resolution in the mediation process. Ben is also an instructor for the Commonwealth’s only mandated High Conflict Parenting Education Program at William James College. The course is 9-weeks and focuses on conflict resolution & skill development.
What is a mediator? Hear me answer that and other questions about mediation, high conflict parenting, and divorce.
Grossman & Associates is a full service family law firm that prides itself on going above and beyond for their clients. They attend to the big matters and small matters with same attention and detail that all clients deserve.
If this interview was of interest please check out Ben’s interview with Alan Margulis from the Total Counselor Show on WCRN.
To learn more about divorce mediation or family mediation contact mediator Ben Stich for more information.
Mediators Can Help HIGH Conflict: Fact or Fiction?
People tell me “I want to refer someone to you but they are really high conflict so there’s no way mediation could work for them.”
Then, I take a deep breathe, resist the urge to say something like “that doesn’t make sense!” and ask them to tell me about the situation.
FICTION: Mediators only works for couples who are amicable.
FACT: Mediation is a structured process that helps people in conflict come to resolution.
Mediators Say, Bring on the Conflict!
Divorcing spouses who hate each other?
Yup.
Co-parents who not have spoken face-to-face in years.
Yes.
Teenagers who “hate” their parents?
Uh-huh, that too.
Mediation is all about resolving conflict! Low conflict, high conflict, and everything in between.
Can mediation resolve all disputes? Of course not. But it sure can more than the public realizes.
Divorce Mediation Fiction
Conventional thinking about mediation is that it can’t work because the parties are:
- Too combative
- All about blame
- Unwilling to consider another point of view
- Resentful and vindictive
And this is just a sampling.
Challenging dynamics for sure.
Family Mediation Fact
I recently mediated a case with all those factors in play.
After nine months of paying attorneys thousands of dollars to try to settle and prepare for a trial these clients had made no progress. Not even one itty-bitty agreement.
As a last ditch effort to avoid a drawn-out ugly and exorbitantly expensive trial they tried mediation. The wife walked in and started the session by announcing that she has no confidence in the process, and this will likely be the first — and last — session.
Not an ideal starting point!
The tension was palpable.
It took some time, and lots of structure and intervention from me, but slowly they started to hear each other. They started to increase understanding of one another (NOTE: understanding is different than agreeing!). What started with hostility and blame often shifted to listening and problem-solving. And they started making decisions.
And the mediation fact is they successfully divorced.
The first step of any effective mediation must be two (or more) parties’ voluntary engagement in the process. Once engaged, family and divorce mediators have the skills and experience required to help folks navigate their disputes.
Mediators facilitate safe, constructive communication by:
- Creating a safe and structured physical environment
- Modelling and teaching effective communication skills
- Helping clients stay calm
- Guiding clients toward mutually satisfactory problem-solving (click here to learn more about positions and interests)
- Teaching effective proposal-making approaches
- and more….
Mediator Facts Matter…
My favorite mediations are those involving a high conflict situation. It’s when I have the greatest positive impact for my clients, and their children (if they have any).
In the end, having a skilled mediator increases the chances the parties will be able to:
- Remain the decision-makers in their own dispute (particularly important with child-related matters)
- Save a lot of money
- Save a lot of time
- Save a lot of heartache going through an adversarial litigation process
- Improve their communication
- Decrease long-term conflict
- Move forward with certainty about the outcome of their conflict
- Repair some or all of the relationship
- And when children are involved, develop much better child-centered parenting plans (stay tuned for an upcoming post on mediating with parents in a high conflict relationship)
The FACT of the matter is this: Mediation IS an effective model for resolving high conflict disputes.
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Divorce Advice: Interview with the Divorce Resource Guy Podcast
Ben discusses his approach to divorce mediation and divorce advice with The Divorce Resource Guy, Jason Levoy!
Divorce Coach
Jason Levoy is a former divorce attorney, now turned divorce coach. His mission is to educate, empower and help you understand the divorce process from an attorney’s point of view. Jason’s coaching will provide you the tools and knowledge you need to communicate effectively during your divorce.
His goal is to empower you with the information you NEED TO KNOW so you can make the best decisions in your divorce and your life.
Let’s Talk Divorce Mediation Advice
Jason and I had a wonderful conversation about the ways divorce mediation can help couples resolve their divorce outside of litigation. I hope you take a moment to listen to learn how mediation might help you and the support Jason provides to his divorce coaching clients.
How can I learn more about family and divorce mediation?
If you would to learn more about divorce and family mediation schedule a free half-hour consultation with Ben.
Photo by Neil Thomas on Unsplash
Choosing the Right Divorce Mediator
Next to the loss of a loved one it is said that divorce is arguably the most stressful experience one can have. It is important that you pick a divorce mediator who can guide you through the complex divorce process in Massachusetts.
Trust, comfort, and confidence in your divorce mediator is essential. Trust in their integrity. Comfort with their style and approach. And confidence in their knowledge and skills. Knowing how to choose a divorce mediator is an important step in moving forward with a collaborative divorce process.
Questions to Ask When Hiring a Divorce Mediator in Massachusetts
- How long have you been mediating?
Look for someone with experience. How many divorce mediations are they currently working on? - What is your background and why did you become a mediator?
Some mediators are social workers, some attorneys, some financial experts, and more. Why did they get in to mediation? - What differentiates you from other mediators?
Every mediator has strengths they bring to the table and they should match what you believe you need. What sets them apart from other mediators? - What are your rates?
Mediators should be up front with all associated divorce mediation costs. - How long will this process take?
Mediators cannot predict the future. However, they should be able to guesstimate a range of sessions you will need after asking you a few questions. - How does the paperwork get completed?
Some mediators provide the court forms and others don’t. Some draft the Separation Agreement and others only a Memorandum of Understanding (MOU) that would be brought to an attorney for drafting. A good divorce mediator should outline in detail the services offered. - How do you handle conflict?
Every mediator has approaches they use to manage conflict that arise in divorce negotiations. They should be able to describe some of the ways they manage difficult conversations. - What does the divorce process involve?
In any consultation a mediator should be able to provide a general overview of a 1A uncontested divorce process. Ask about the decisions that need to be made, the legal standards the probate and family court use to approve decisions, and for a description of the hearing process. - How were you trained and how do you keep up with current practice?
Most mediators affiliate with mediation organizations. Others have continuing education requirements as part of their professional licensing. - How would you describe your mediation style?
There are formal styles (facilitative, evaluative, and transformative). Mediators should be able to describe their own personal style. - What ethics, values and principles do you follow?
Any mediator should describe the core principles of mediation. Similarly, they should describe their personal guiding values.
The Single Most Important Factor in How to Choose a Divorce Mediator in Massachusetts (or anywhere!)
Fit.
You will be sharing deeply personal information. Determining your financial future. Crafting a co-parenting plan to help your children have the best possible childhood.
Bottom line: it is critical that you both feel secure and comfort with your mediator.
Trying to choose a divorce mediator in Massachusetts or New England? Contact Ben Stich if you would like to ask him any of these questions in a free divorce mediation consultation.
Divorce with Children – An Interview with Ben Stich
I was honored to be interviewed by Natalie Armstrong from the Marketing Resolution YouTube Channel on Tuesday from among the many stellar divorce and family mediators she knows. The interview was fun, brief, and hopefully informative for viewers interested in learning about family and divorce mediation. Check it out!
Divorcing with Children: An Interview with Divorce Mediator Ben Stich
When there is a divorce with children an effective separation agreement can set the stage for better outcomes for kids. One of her goals from the interview was to help viewers learn how mediation helps parents craft a child-centered custody arrangement and parenting plan.
About Mediator Natalie Armstrong-Motin
Natalie is a fierce advocate of dispute resolution practices. She promotes divorce mediators and dispute resolution experts from a range of industries, including family law. Her goal is to increase awareness of peace-making resources that exist throughout the world. To that end, her YouTube Channel is a volunteer venture and does not produce income for her or the interviewee.
To learn more about Natalie’s work promoting mediation professionals check out The Marketing Resolution YouTube channel.
Her channel is all about the resolution industry. It highlights the providers – the mediators, arbitrators, collaborators, facilitators, trainers, authors, speakers, bloggers, organizations, associations, and laws. Contact Natalie Armstrong-Motin at Marketing Resolution
What is a Mediator? Mediation Questions Answered on the Inside Divorce Podcast
I had a blast recently being interviewed by divorce attorney Cynthia Auckly-Barbuto of the Law Firm of Grossman & Associates (now Sassoon Cymrot Law) in Newton, MA. Cynthia hosted an edition of their Inside Divorce Podcast. We spent a half hour answering questions like “What is a mediator?” and “How can mediation help parents in high conflict situations divorce?”
Hear Ben Stich Featured on the INSIDE DIVORCE PODCAST
My interview on the Inside Divorce Podcast is described on their website as:
On Inside Divorce Episode 17, Cynthia Auckly-Barbuto, Senior Associate Attorney at Grossman & Associates, speaks with Ben Stich, LICSW, M.Ed., a Family and Divorce Mediator in Natick, MA (www.benstich.com). Ben specializes in separation and divorce mediation, parenting, modification, decision-making & communication, as well as martial issues. Ben also mediates elder issues like estate planning and end of life planning. Ben specializes in interest based facilitated mediation. In this episode Ben talks about different strategies he often uses in high conflict cases to best reach resolution in the mediation process. Ben is also an instructor for the Commonwealth’s only mandated High Conflict Parenting Education Program at William James College. The course is 9-weeks and focuses on conflict resolution & skill development.
What is a mediator? Hear me answer that and other questions about mediation, high conflict parenting, and divorce.
Grossman & Associates is a full service family law firm that prides itself on going above and beyond for their clients. They attend to the big matters and small matters with same attention and detail that all clients deserve.
If this interview was of interest please check out Ben’s interview with Alan Margulis from the Total Counselor Show on WCRN.
To learn more about divorce mediation or family mediation contact mediator Ben Stich for more information.
Mediators Can Help HIGH Conflict: Fact or Fiction?
People tell me “I want to refer someone to you but they are really high conflict so there’s no way mediation could work for them.”
Then, I take a deep breathe, resist the urge to say something like “that doesn’t make sense!” and ask them to tell me about the situation.
FICTION: Mediators only works for couples who are amicable.
FACT: Mediation is a structured process that helps people in conflict come to resolution.
Mediators Say, Bring on the Conflict!
Divorcing spouses who hate each other?
Yup.
Co-parents who not have spoken face-to-face in years.
Yes.
Teenagers who “hate” their parents?
Uh-huh, that too.
Mediation is all about resolving conflict! Low conflict, high conflict, and everything in between.
Can mediation resolve all disputes? Of course not. But it sure can more than the public realizes.
Divorce Mediation Fiction
Conventional thinking about mediation is that it can’t work because the parties are:
- Too combative
- All about blame
- Unwilling to consider another point of view
- Resentful and vindictive
And this is just a sampling.
Challenging dynamics for sure.
Family Mediation Fact
I recently mediated a case with all those factors in play.
After nine months of paying attorneys thousands of dollars to try to settle and prepare for a trial these clients had made no progress. Not even one itty-bitty agreement.
As a last ditch effort to avoid a drawn-out ugly and exorbitantly expensive trial they tried mediation. The wife walked in and started the session by announcing that she has no confidence in the process, and this will likely be the first — and last — session.
Not an ideal starting point!
The tension was palpable.
It took some time, and lots of structure and intervention from me, but slowly they started to hear each other. They started to increase understanding of one another (NOTE: understanding is different than agreeing!). What started with hostility and blame often shifted to listening and problem-solving. And they started making decisions.
And the mediation fact is they successfully divorced.
The first step of any effective mediation must be two (or more) parties’ voluntary engagement in the process. Once engaged, family and divorce mediators have the skills and experience required to help folks navigate their disputes.
Mediators facilitate safe, constructive communication by:
- Creating a safe and structured physical environment
- Modelling and teaching effective communication skills
- Helping clients stay calm
- Guiding clients toward mutually satisfactory problem-solving (click here to learn more about positions and interests)
- Teaching effective proposal-making approaches
- and more….
Mediator Facts Matter…
My favorite mediations are those involving a high conflict situation. It’s when I have the greatest positive impact for my clients, and their children (if they have any).
In the end, having a skilled mediator increases the chances the parties will be able to:
- Remain the decision-makers in their own dispute (particularly important with child-related matters)
- Save a lot of money
- Save a lot of time
- Save a lot of heartache going through an adversarial litigation process
- Improve their communication
- Decrease long-term conflict
- Move forward with certainty about the outcome of their conflict
- Repair some or all of the relationship
- And when children are involved, develop much better child-centered parenting plans (stay tuned for an upcoming post on mediating with parents in a high conflict relationship)
The FACT of the matter is this: Mediation IS an effective model for resolving high conflict disputes.