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benefits of divorce mediation in massachusetts

One of the Benefits of Divorce Mediation in Massachusetts: “Winning”

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There are so many myths about divorce and divorce mediation.

Here’s one: Winning

Let’s be real: divorce should not be a contest. There are no shiny trophies at the end, no confetti raining down to celebrate who “won” the biggest chunk of the house, the kids, or the dog. In fact, if you’re in a mindset of “winning” in divorce, you’re likely to “lose”—lose more money, more time, more peace, and lose opportunity for your children to experience less stress.

Because here’s the truth—the only real win is a collaborative win, especially when it comes to your kids.

Winning Redefined: One of the Benefits of Divorce Mediation

In divorce mediation, it’s tempting to focus on getting the upper hand, but this can lead to unnecessary conflict and hurt. Instead, one of the benefits of divorce mediation in Massachusetts is that it offers a chance to rethink “winning” as creating solutions where both of you come out better than you thought possible.

Are you seriously telling me that divorce mediation is kumbaya?

Of course not. Divorce requires difficult decisions. After all, there are finite financial resources and a finite amount of time to spend with children. There are always gains and losses when it comes to divorce. But you can work together to create a balanced agreement where you both feel heard and respected. That’s the real win.

Examples of the Benefits of Redefining Winning in Divorce Mediation:

Parenting Example

Take parenting time. You could push for all the overnights or weekends, but will that really be best for your kids, or are you just trying to “win” the most time?

A true win-win might involve a flexible parenting schedule that prioritizes the kids’ well-being, giving them quality time with both parents. Maybe one parent has the kids during the school week, while the other gets more time during holidays and vacations. Maybe there are a lot of short periods of time with each parent because it’s best for the children to see each parent frequently. Or perhaps it’s better to have a schedule with as few transitions as possible because your child struggles with transitions. It’s about what works best for the family, not who gets the most time (your children are not possessions to be split up!).

Asset Division Example

Or, let’s talk think about asset division—a common battleground. Instead of fighting to keep the assets that are most important you why not work together to accomplish both your goals? Maybe one spouse stays in the house until the kids are out of school, and then it’s sold, with the proceeds split. Or you keep more retirement assets because retiring soon is your highest priority and your spouse keeps more equity in the house because perhaps homeownership is their highest priority.

Child Support Example

Then there’s child support. Instead of looking at support as a loss for you and a gain for them, think of it as ensuring both of you as parents can meet your children’s needs. Maybe it strictly follows the child support guidelines and maybe it’s structured creatively.

Creating Balanced Agreements is One of the Benefits of Divorce Mediation in Massachusetts

Divorce doesn’t have to be about beating your spouse—it can be about finding a way forward that works for everyone. A joint win means reaching agreements that honor your needs, respect your spouse’s interests, and—most importantly if you are parents—set your kids up for success.

So, no, there’s no “winner” in divorce. But with the right mindset, you can walk away with something that feels fair and equitable to both of you.

If you would like to learn more about how divorce mediation or collaborative law might help your situation please schedule a complementary half-hour divorce mediation consultation with Ben Stich or a member of his stellar mediation team.

Photo by Jelly Dollar on Unsplash

how to get an uncontested divorce in Massachusetts

Steps for Getting an Uncontested Divorce in Massachusetts

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When I start divorce mediation consultations most clients explain how they need help understanding the complex divorce process in Massachusetts. Many feel like they do not know much about it, often saying, We need guidance because we don’t know what we don’t know!

Steps for Getting an Uncontested Divorce in Massachusetts

1. Ensure you Meet Residency Requirements

Either one spouse has lived in Massachusetts for a year, or the cause of the divorce happened in Massachusetts while the couple was residing there, and one spouse is still living in the state at the time of filing.

2. Understand the Grounds for Divorce

Massachusetts offers both “no-fault” and “fault-based” divorce options. A “no-fault” divorce means that neither spouse is to blame for the end of the marriage, while a “fault-based” divorce involves alleging wrongdoing, such as adultery or cruelty. 1A divorces are “no-fault” based on an “irretrievable breakdown of the marriage.”

3. Understand “1A” and “1B” Paths of Getting a Divorce in Massachusetts

There are two ways of filing for divorce:

  • A 1A divorce is an uncontested divorce. The “filing for divorce” happens at the end of the divorce negotiation. The filing involves submitting divorce paperwork to the Probate and Family Court to request a hearing for a judge to review (and hopefully approve!) the divorce agreement.
  • A 1B divorce is a contested divorce, which initiates the legal divorce process and involves the court system prior to coming to a full agreement. In contrast to a 1A divorce, a 1B divorce may involve more time, attorney involvement, and court intervention. You can still mediate if one spouse has filed a 1B divorce.

4. Determine Who is Part of Your Divorce Team

Decide how you want to be guided in your divorce process. Options include:

There may be other professionals that might help provide the advice you need to inform your decisions, such as a certified divorce financial analyst, a mediation-friendly divorce attorney as a consultant, a certified divorce lending professional, a CPA, and a divorce coach, among others.

5. Collect Necessary Documents

Gather important documents related to your marriage, finances, and assets. These may include:

  1. Marriage certificate
  2. Financial statements and tax returns
  3. Property records
  4. Information about your children (if applicable)

6. Complete Financial Statements

Both you and your spouse will be required to complete financial statements, which outline your income, expenses, assets, and liabilities. This information will help in determining property division, alimony, and child support.

7. Negotiate, Make Decisions, and Draft a Separation Agreement

In a joint petition for divorce (1A) settlement most typically occurs through divorce mediation, attorney negotiation, or Collaborative Law. The formal settlement agreement is called a Separation Agreement. The Separation Agreement will address property division, spousal support, insurance, taxes, and for parents, a parenting plan and child support. A joint petition for divorce empowers spouses to make decisions they believe are fair, reasonable, and equitable, while having the maximal control over their decision-making.

8. For 1A Divorces, File for Divorce

Filing a 1A divorce involves submitting a lot of paperwork to the court, a filing fee of $215, and a marriage license. This is an example of a filing checklist of documents required to file a 1A divorce in Massachusetts.

9. Attend a Court Hearing

If your filing is accepted (the court can reject filings if there are mistakes) a hearing will be scheduled a couple of months from the date of filing. The judge will have reviewed your Separation Agreement and financial statements. You will take the oath that you will tell the truth and then be asked a series of standard questions by the judge, as well as some specific questions related to your circumstances. If all goes well the judge will approve your agreement. The judge may reject parts of your agreement and ask you to make some changes. You can make changes that same day and be heard by the judge again. If that is not possible, a follow-up hearing will be scheduled to review your updated agreement.

10. Divorce Waiting Period

In a 1A divorce once the agreement is approved the judgment will be issued in 30 days (theoretically you could withdraw the divorce in those 30 day). At the 30 day mark you enter the Nisi period which is an additional 90 day waiting period until Divorce Absolute, which is when the divorce is legally finalized (total of 120 days).

Knowing that you don’t know what you don’t know…

It is the mediator’s responsibility to make sure you are fully informed about the divorce process. Clients sometimes lead with “this might be a dumb question” and let me assure you: there is no dumb question. The court process is complicated and confusing and the mediator will provide support and education to be sure you are fully informed about the process.

If you would like to learn more about how divorce mediation or collaborative law might help your situation please schedule a complementary half-hour divorce mediation consultation with Ben Stich or a member of his stellar mediation team.

Interview about Ben Stich's Divorce Mediation Services

Interview about Ben Stich’s Divorce Mediation Services

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“Respectful divorce.”

Unconventional phrasing for many ears.

We hear about ugly and disrespectful divorces all the time in our society. In the news (think Brad Pitt and Angela Jolie). At work. In the neighborhood. Perhaps in your own family. Sadly, with disrespect comes conflict.

A disrespectful divorce can be costly on so many levels:

  • Financially
  • Loss of time
  • Lack of control over the outcome
  • For parents, more harmful stress for children

Divorce does not need to be disrespectful.

Schedule a FREE Consultation with Ben!

The Respectful Divorce Podcast

My colleagues Tim Crouch and Camille Milner host the Respectful Divorce Podcast. They have devoted their time and resources to spread the word about respectful divorce. They have learned that divorce mediation services and collaborative divorce can facilitate a respectful divorce process.

They believe a respectful divorce can be a savings on so many levels:

  • Financially
  • Saving time
  • Providing more control over the outcome
  • For parents, decreasing stress for children

Respectful Divorce: An Interview about Ben’s Divorce Mediation Services

I had the great pleasure of being interviewed by Camille about collaborative and divorce mediation services. To listen simply hit the play button.

Thank you for listening. Learn more about how mediation might help you with a respectful divorce by completing the contact form.

Close-up Of Hand With Pen On Petition For Divorce Paper

Options for How to Get an Uncontested Divorce in Massachusetts

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In Massachusetts an uncontested divorce is called a no-fault 1A divorce. In a 1A the couple jointly petitions the court to review and approve their separation agreement, which is the divorce agreement (a confusing misnomer for those already separated). The couple will have already come to agreement on all terms of their divorce, including the division of assets and liabilities and for parents, the parenting plan.

Options for Pursuing an Uncontested Divorce in Massachusetts

There are three ways to pursue an uncontested divorce in Massachusetts:

Do-it-yourself divorce:

It is possible to file for divorce on your own. The benefit of doing so is that it is the quickest and least expensive approach. It is best suited for short-term marriages with minimal assets and no children. The disadvantage is that for parents and/or couples with assets it be can difficult to make informed decisions about very important matters (your kids and your money) without the guidance of a divorce professional. Unfortunately, it is common for do-it-yourself agreements to be rejected by the court (and I have mediated agreements for couples who first tried to file on their own to then have a judge fail to approve the agreement).

Divorce Mediation:

Divorce mediation is the next most cost-effective process. The mediator facilitates the divorce negotiation and provides important information to make sure informed decisions are made. If there is disagreement the mediator will help the couple resolve their conflicts. The couple remains in control of their decisions and can determine the pacing of the process. Mediation is confidential which can help couples negotiate in good faith. Mediation is also voluntary and is effective for both amicable couples and couples experiencing high conflict…as long as both spouses choose to participate.

Collaborative Divorce:

Collaborative Divorce is a team approach to divorce. Both spouses hire a collaboratively trained attorney. A divorce coach facilitates the process. The coach works with the couple to support their participation in the process. The coach also works with the attorneys to help them function as a team to address the interests of both spouses. The attorneys may only negotiate when in team meetings with the spouses and the divorce coach present. Often, a financial neutral also joins the team to provide financial guidance. Collaborative divorce is more expensive than mediation but usually less expensive than contested divorces. Like mediation, the couple negotiates directly and has control over the outcome. Unlike mediation, the negotiation occurs with their legal counsel on hand to provide direct guidance through the process.

One other uncontested divorce option:

If a spouse has filed a 1B divorce the couple can still participate in Mediation or Collaborative Divorce and change the contested 1B divorce to an uncontested 1A divorce.

To learn more about how mediation or collaborative divorce can help you file an uncontested divorce contact Ben for a free half hour consultation.

Ben Stich Mediator, LICSW, M.Ed

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