mediator - Ben Stich, Mediator, LICSW, M.Ed

Do I Need a Divorce Attorney During Divorce Mediation?

by Ben Stich

Do I Need a Divorce Attorney During Divorce Mediation?

If you’re mediating your divorce, you may be asking: Do I need a divorce attorney during divorce mediation?

The short answer? No.

A divorce attorney isn’t required to participate in mediation.

But that doesn’t mean it’s not a good idea to speak with one.

In fact, I recommend it (with caveats–more on that below).

Think of it this way: in mediation, you and your spouse are far more in charge of the decisions—not lawyers, and not a judge. That’s one of the great opportunities mediation provides. To make the best decisions you can it is important to do so in the most informed way as possible. That’s where consulting with an attorney can help—especially to better understand your legal rights, responsibilities, and the long-term impact of your choices.

The role of a mediator vs. the role of an attorney

Divorce mediators help you have productive conversations and find common ground. We’re here to support both of you equally. But we’re not allowed to give legal advice.

Sometimes people get confused about the difference between legal information and legal advice. Mediators can provide legal information—like what the child support guidelines are or what the court process looks like. But mediators can’t interpret the law for your specific situation or recommend a particular course of action. That’s legal advice, and it can only come from your own lawyer.

What does it mean to work with a “mediation-friendly” attorney?

Here’s the caveat I mentioned. Some attorneys focus heavily on litigation—fighting things out in court. Others are more resolution-minded. A mediation-friendly attorney is someone who supports out-of-court solutions, and may even have mediation training themselves. They understand the goals of the process and won’t try to hijack it or create conflict that doesn’t need to be there.

Using a consulting attorney during mediation

You can hire an attorney in a limited capacity. You might consult with them to:

Give you advice about a tough issue, like alimony or parenting schedules
Review your Separation Agreement before you sign
Help you figure out whether a creative agreement is likely to be approved by the court
Draft or edit documents you’ll file
Join you for the final court hearing, if that feels supportive

This setup gives you the flexibility to get the help you need without the expense of a full-service divorce attorney.

Why talk to a mediation-friendly consulting attorney at all if you’re mediating?

It’s cost-effective. You only pay for what you need.
It gives you peace of mind. You’ll know you’re making informed decisions—especially if you’re waiving something like alimony.
It helps with court approval. Judges want to know that both people understood what they were signing.
It empowers you. Information is power and helps you make informed decisions–even if you don’t follow your attorney’s advice!

So… do you need a divorce attorney during divorce mediation?

Not necessarily but I recommend you do. Checking in with one—even just briefly—can help make sure you’re protected and confident in the decisions you’re making.

Divorce mediation is about finding a respectful, workable path forward. And for many couples, having an attorney as a behind-the-scenes support helps that path be steadier.

Go to top

This post was adapted from Attorney Anthony Adamopoulos, a seasoned family law attorney specializing in collaborative approaches to divorce. To learn more about how Anthony can be helpful: https://www.divorcingoptions.com

Photo by Gabrielle Henderson on Unsplash

divorce mediation vs litigation is like rolling the dice

Divorce Mediation vs Litigation: Trading Hope for Certainty

by Ben Stich

Divorce Mediation vs Litigation: Trading Hope for Certainty

Divorce can be one of life’s most stressful experiences, but the choice between divorce mediation vs litigation can make all the difference. When couples rely on litigation to resolve their disputes, they hand over control to attorneys and a judge who don’t truly know them or their families. Mediation offers an alternative—one where you and your spouse stay in control and co-create solutions that truly work for your family. It’s not about “trading hope” as much as it is about “gaining certainty.”

Let me share two stories that highlight the stark differences between divorce mediation vs litigation.

Story 1: A Parenting Schedule and Holidays

Litigation: Sarah and Mike are in a contested divorce action fight relying on their attorneys.

Sarah wants to have Christmas morning with the kids every year, while Mike insists on keeping them for Christmas Eve and the morning as part of his extended family tradition. Their attorneys assure them the court will sort it out, but months go by due to a backlog in the court system. When the day finally comes, the judge issues a rigid cookie-cutter ruling: Sarah gets Christmas on odd years, Mike on even years—with no flexibility. Neither parent’s traditions are fully honored, and the lack of input leaves them both feeling sidelined. The kids, caught in the middle, are shuttled between houses without understanding why the holidays suddenly feel so fractured.

Mediation: Lisa and John are working with a divorce mediator.

They sat down with a mediator to work through their priorities for the holidays. The children love the tradition of Lisa hosting Thanksgiving for her extended family while the children have always enjoyed going with John to the local Thanksgiving high school football game. Likewise, while John cherished spending Christmas morning opening gifts with the kids, Lisa cared most about the children attending church on Christmas Eve. Together, they crafted a plan:

Thanksgiving:
- Wednesday 5 PM through Thanksgiving at 12 with Mike, which enabled the children to go to the football game
- Thanksgiving Day at 12 through Saturday morning at 9 with Lisa, which allowed the children to attend the family Thanksgiving (and gave Lisa some child-free time to get the house ready!)
Christmas:
- Christmas Eve 12 PM through 8PM with Lisa every year, which allowed for the children to attend 4PM mass
- Christmas Eve 8PM through December 26th 9AM with Mike every year, which allowed the children to continue the tradition of Mike dressing as Santa Saturday morning with a bag of gifts (and the day for the kids to play with their new toys)!

The result? A plan tailored to their family’s traditions, ensuring their kids felt stability and love during the holidays.

Story 2: What to Do with the Marital Home

Litigation: Rafael and Malik are fighting the court over what to do with their house.

Rafael wanted to keep it to maintain stability for the kids, while Malik felt selling it was the only fair solution. In court, their dispute dragged on for months, racking up legal fees. The judge ultimately ordered the home sold, leaving Rafael devastated and Malik equally frustrated. Neither felt the outcome reflected their needs.

Mediation: Maria and Tom have decided to hire a mediator.

Tom and Maria decided to work through the difficult decisions about their house because they believed that despite the hard feelings property issues don’t have to be a battle. With the mediator’s guidance, they decided to the following plan:

Maria would remain in the house for two more years so the kids could finish school
After two years she would sell it and split the proceeds.
Tom will receive a partial buyout upfront so he can move forward with relocating comfortably

This cooperative approach avoided the financial strain of litigation and ensured a solution both could accept.

Divorce Mediation–Even When Collaboration is Hard

Collaboration isn’t always easy—especially when emotions run high or trust is fractured. Even when the negotiation is stressful and challenging, there are usually ways to work through it. But even in higher-conflict situations, mediation provides a pathway to maintaining control over your future. Rolling the dice in court often leads to unpredictable and unsatisfying outcomes. Mediation, on the other hand, allows you to shape decisions that empower you. Taking ownership of the outcome—even when compromises are difficult—is far more rewarding than gambling on a judge’s ruling.

Divorce Mediation Can Lead to a More Certain Future

Mediation provides you and your spouse with something litigation rarely does: certainty.

Together, you create solutions that reflect your unique needs and goals. You save time, money, and stress—and most importantly, you maintain control of your future. Isn’t that a better trade?

Schedule a Free Mediation Consultation

Photo by Edge2Edge Media on Unsplash

Family Conflict Mediation Services

by Ben Stich

Elder Mediation

by Ben Stich

Postnup Mediation in Massachusetts

by Ben Stich

Divorce and Special Needs

by Ben Stich

Divorce and Special Needs Parenting

Parenting children with special needs is complex, and made even more challenging when balancing it with a divorce.

There are so many questions. How do you divide time and responsibilities in a way that best supports your child? What type of parenting schedule will set your child up for success? How can you best coordinate services between two homes?

Divorce mediation is a process that allows you, as parents, to craft a plan that best meets your children’s needs. By doing so, the plan does not need to be cookie-cutter and can be developed with carefully consideration, together.

You can find below examples of how developing a parenting plan in a mediated divorce can be guided by your child’s unique needs.

Note, the examples are used for illustrative purposes only, and should not be construed as legal or clinical advice related to parenting children with disabilities.

Autism Example

Co-parenting a child with autism often requires consistency, structure, and clear communication. Many children with autism thrive on routines, so a parenting plan needs to account for that. Mediation allows you to work together on creating a schedule that minimizes disruptions—things like bedtimes, meal routines, and school pickups. For an elementary-age child who depends on predictable routines, having two parents aligned on these details can be a game-changer.

In mediation, you can also collaborate on special needs services like therapy or social skills groups. Instead of turning it into a tug-of-war, mediation makes it possible to build a united front. After all, there are only so many meltdowns you can take over switching dinner time from 6:00 to 6:15, right? And so developing a plan together can mitigate some of these predictable challenges.

ADHD Example

Middle school can be tough for any child, but when you add ADHD to the mix, it can be a whole new level of challenge. A child with ADHD—especially if they’re disorganized or struggle with focus—needs a parenting plan that keeps them on track across both households. Mediation allows you as co-parents to establish consistent expectations for each other–such as how to manage transferring schoolbooks, sports equipment, instruments and so on between homes. If communication between you is difficult without the help of a third-party facilitator, mediation also provides an opportunity to decide on expectations for your child across homes, like homework routines, organization strategies, and even how to handle screen time.

Through mediation, you can also discuss how to support your child with executive functioning challenges. Maybe one of you is better at helping with schoolwork, while they are great at fostering creative outlets—mediation lets you divide responsibilities based on strengths, not just splitting time down the middle.

Severe Medical Needs Example

High school brings its own challenges, and for parents of a child with severe medical needs, things can get especially tricky. Whether it’s managing doctor appointments, medications, or emergency plans, a lot of coordination is required. Mediation can help you agree on how to handle medical decision-making and communication with healthcare providers.

A parenting plan can also account for your work schedules and proximity to medical facilities, ensuring that your child’s medical needs are met without unnecessary stress. With mediation, you can fine-tune these logistics and even divide tasks like those never-ending calls to the insurance company, school, and state agencies.

Anxiety Example

Teenagers already dealing with significant anxiety, divorce can add to their stress. A high schooler with anxiety might need extra emotional support, and mediation can help you agree on how to best provide it—whether that’s ensuring consistency in therapy sessions, maintaining a calm and supportive environment, or even aligning on how you’ll approach big events like school dances (because “everyone is going, Mom!”).

In mediation, you can also discuss strategies for managing transitions between homes, which can be particularly stressful for anxious kids. Creating a plan, for example, that minimizes abrupt changes and offers plenty of reassurance might make a world of difference. No judge or attorney is going to know how best to reduce YOUR child’s anxiety, after all!

Transitioning-Age Youth Example

For parents of children with severe special needs, the transition to adulthood comes with unique challenges. In divorce mediation, care must be given to crucial issues such as guardianship, eligibility for government or private agency benefits, employment opportunities, social skills development, and even long-term custodial care. Unlike typically developing children—where child support and custody usually end at the age of majority or after college—parents of children with special needs may be looking at life-long caregiving responsibilities. Mediation allows both of you to address these long-term realities and create a co-parenting plan that ensures the best possible future for your child, even as they transition into adulthood.

Why Divorce Mediation Helps Parents of Children with Special Needs

One of the beauties of divorce mediation is its flexibility. Unlike court-imposed solutions, mediation allows you, as co-parents, to create a parenting plan that is uniquely tailored to your child’s needs. You can think through the little details, talk openly about concerns, and come up with solutions that work for your family—without the added drama of courtroom battles.

In the end, mediation offers a chance for you to focus less on the “divorce” part and more on the “parenting” part. After all, whether you are wrangling an ADHD middle-schooler or navigating life with a medically complex high-schooler, raising kids is already a full-time job. Working together in mediation, even if it’s hard, can set the stage for a plan that meets the special needs of your child and family.

If you would like to learn more about how divorce mediation or collaborative law might help your situation please schedule a complementary half-hour divorce mediation consultation with Ben Stich or a member of his stellar mediation team.

Photo by Nathan Anderson on Unsplash

One of the Benefits of Divorce Mediation in Massachusetts: “Winning”

by Ben Stich

There are so many myths about divorce and divorce mediation.

Here’s one: Winning

Let’s be real: divorce should not be a contest. There are no shiny trophies at the end, no confetti raining down to celebrate who “won” the biggest chunk of the house, the kids, or the dog. In fact, if you’re in a mindset of “winning” in divorce, you’re likely to “lose”—lose more money, more time, more peace, and lose opportunity for your children to experience less stress.

Because here’s the truth—the only real win is a collaborative win, especially when it comes to your kids.

Winning Redefined: One of the Benefits of Divorce Mediation

In divorce mediation, it’s tempting to focus on getting the upper hand, but this can lead to unnecessary conflict and hurt. Instead, one of the benefits of divorce mediation in Massachusetts is that it offers a chance to rethink “winning” as creating solutions where both of you come out better than you thought possible.

Are you seriously telling me that divorce mediation is kumbaya?

Of course not. Divorce requires difficult decisions. After all, there are finite financial resources and a finite amount of time to spend with children. There are always gains and losses when it comes to divorce. But you can work together to create a balanced agreement where you both feel heard and respected. That’s the real win.

Examples of the Benefits of Redefining Winning in Divorce Mediation:

Parenting Example

Take parenting time. You could push for all the overnights or weekends, but will that really be best for your kids, or are you just trying to “win” the most time?

A true win-win might involve a flexible parenting schedule that prioritizes the kids’ well-being, giving them quality time with both parents. Maybe one parent has the kids during the school week, while the other gets more time during holidays and vacations. Maybe there are a lot of short periods of time with each parent because it’s best for the children to see each parent frequently. Or perhaps it’s better to have a schedule with as few transitions as possible because your child struggles with transitions. It’s about what works best for the family, not who gets the most time (your children are not possessions to be split up!).

Asset Division Example

Or, let’s talk think about asset division—a common battleground. Instead of fighting to keep the assets that are most important you why not work together to accomplish both your goals? Maybe one spouse stays in the house until the kids are out of school, and then it’s sold, with the proceeds split. Or you keep more retirement assets because retiring soon is your highest priority and your spouse keeps more equity in the house because perhaps homeownership is their highest priority.

Child Support Example

Then there’s child support. Instead of looking at support as a loss for you and a gain for them, think of it as ensuring both of you as parents can meet your children’s needs. Maybe it strictly follows the child support guidelines and maybe it’s structured creatively.

Creating Balanced Agreements is One of the Benefits of Divorce Mediation in Massachusetts

Divorce doesn’t have to be about beating your spouse—it can be about finding a way forward that works for everyone. A joint win means reaching agreements that honor your needs, respect your spouse’s interests, and—most importantly if you are parents—set your kids up for success.

So, no, there’s no “winner” in divorce. But with the right mindset, you can walk away with something that feels fair and equitable to both of you.

If you would like to learn more about how divorce mediation or collaborative law might help your situation please schedule a complementary half-hour divorce mediation consultation with Ben Stich or a member of his stellar mediation team.

Photo by Jelly Dollar on Unsplash

unhappy unmarried parents needing mediation

Separated & Unmarried Parents Mediation

by Ben Stich

Divorce Mediation in New Hampshire

by Ben Stich

Divorce Advice: Interview with the Divorce Resource Guy Podcast

by Ben Stich

Ben discusses his approach to divorce mediation and divorce advice with The Divorce Resource Guy, Jason Levoy!

Divorce Coach

Jason Levoy is a former divorce attorney, now turned divorce coach. His mission is to educate, empower and help you understand the divorce process from an attorney’s point of view. Jason’s coaching will provide you the tools and knowledge you need to communicate effectively during your divorce.

His goal is to empower you with the information you NEED TO KNOW so you can make the best decisions in your divorce and your life.

Let’s Talk Divorce Mediation Advice

Jason and I had a wonderful conversation about the ways divorce mediation can help couples resolve their divorce outside of litigation. I hope you take a moment to listen to learn how mediation might help you and the support Jason provides to his divorce coaching clients.

How can I learn more about family and divorce mediation?

If you would to learn more about divorce and family mediation schedule a free half-hour consultation with Ben.

Photo by Neil Thomas on Unsplash

Do I Need a Divorce Attorney During Divorce Mediation?

by Ben Stich

Do I Need a Divorce Attorney During Divorce Mediation?

If you’re mediating your divorce, you may be asking: Do I need a divorce attorney during divorce mediation?

The short answer? No.

A divorce attorney isn’t required to participate in mediation.

But that doesn’t mean it’s not a good idea to speak with one.

In fact, I recommend it (with caveats–more on that below).

Think of it this way: in mediation, you and your spouse are far more in charge of the decisions—not lawyers, and not a judge. That’s one of the great opportunities mediation provides. To make the best decisions you can it is important to do so in the most informed way as possible. That’s where consulting with an attorney can help—especially to better understand your legal rights, responsibilities, and the long-term impact of your choices.

The role of a mediator vs. the role of an attorney

Divorce mediators help you have productive conversations and find common ground. We’re here to support both of you equally. But we’re not allowed to give legal advice.

Sometimes people get confused about the difference between legal information and legal advice. Mediators can provide legal information—like what the child support guidelines are or what the court process looks like. But mediators can’t interpret the law for your specific situation or recommend a particular course of action. That’s legal advice, and it can only come from your own lawyer.

What does it mean to work with a “mediation-friendly” attorney?

Here’s the caveat I mentioned. Some attorneys focus heavily on litigation—fighting things out in court. Others are more resolution-minded. A mediation-friendly attorney is someone who supports out-of-court solutions, and may even have mediation training themselves. They understand the goals of the process and won’t try to hijack it or create conflict that doesn’t need to be there.

Using a consulting attorney during mediation

You can hire an attorney in a limited capacity. You might consult with them to:

Give you advice about a tough issue, like alimony or parenting schedules
Review your Separation Agreement before you sign
Help you figure out whether a creative agreement is likely to be approved by the court
Draft or edit documents you’ll file
Join you for the final court hearing, if that feels supportive

This setup gives you the flexibility to get the help you need without the expense of a full-service divorce attorney.

Why talk to a mediation-friendly consulting attorney at all if you’re mediating?

It’s cost-effective. You only pay for what you need.
It gives you peace of mind. You’ll know you’re making informed decisions—especially if you’re waiving something like alimony.
It helps with court approval. Judges want to know that both people understood what they were signing.
It empowers you. Information is power and helps you make informed decisions–even if you don’t follow your attorney’s advice!

So… do you need a divorce attorney during divorce mediation?

Not necessarily but I recommend you do. Checking in with one—even just briefly—can help make sure you’re protected and confident in the decisions you’re making.

Divorce mediation is about finding a respectful, workable path forward. And for many couples, having an attorney as a behind-the-scenes support helps that path be steadier.

Go to top

This post was adapted from Attorney Anthony Adamopoulos, a seasoned family law attorney specializing in collaborative approaches to divorce. To learn more about how Anthony can be helpful: https://www.divorcingoptions.com

Photo by Gabrielle Henderson on Unsplash

Divorce Mediation vs Litigation: Trading Hope for Certainty

by Ben Stich

Divorce Mediation vs Litigation: Trading Hope for Certainty

Divorce can be one of life’s most stressful experiences, but the choice between divorce mediation vs litigation can make all the difference. When couples rely on litigation to resolve their disputes, they hand over control to attorneys and a judge who don’t truly know them or their families. Mediation offers an alternative—one where you and your spouse stay in control and co-create solutions that truly work for your family. It’s not about “trading hope” as much as it is about “gaining certainty.”

Let me share two stories that highlight the stark differences between divorce mediation vs litigation.

Story 1: A Parenting Schedule and Holidays

Litigation: Sarah and Mike are in a contested divorce action fight relying on their attorneys.

Sarah wants to have Christmas morning with the kids every year, while Mike insists on keeping them for Christmas Eve and the morning as part of his extended family tradition. Their attorneys assure them the court will sort it out, but months go by due to a backlog in the court system. When the day finally comes, the judge issues a rigid cookie-cutter ruling: Sarah gets Christmas on odd years, Mike on even years—with no flexibility. Neither parent’s traditions are fully honored, and the lack of input leaves them both feeling sidelined. The kids, caught in the middle, are shuttled between houses without understanding why the holidays suddenly feel so fractured.

Mediation: Lisa and John are working with a divorce mediator.

They sat down with a mediator to work through their priorities for the holidays. The children love the tradition of Lisa hosting Thanksgiving for her extended family while the children have always enjoyed going with John to the local Thanksgiving high school football game. Likewise, while John cherished spending Christmas morning opening gifts with the kids, Lisa cared most about the children attending church on Christmas Eve. Together, they crafted a plan:

Thanksgiving:
- Wednesday 5 PM through Thanksgiving at 12 with Mike, which enabled the children to go to the football game
- Thanksgiving Day at 12 through Saturday morning at 9 with Lisa, which allowed the children to attend the family Thanksgiving (and gave Lisa some child-free time to get the house ready!)
Christmas:
- Christmas Eve 12 PM through 8PM with Lisa every year, which allowed for the children to attend 4PM mass
- Christmas Eve 8PM through December 26th 9AM with Mike every year, which allowed the children to continue the tradition of Mike dressing as Santa Saturday morning with a bag of gifts (and the day for the kids to play with their new toys)!

The result? A plan tailored to their family’s traditions, ensuring their kids felt stability and love during the holidays.

Story 2: What to Do with the Marital Home

Litigation: Rafael and Malik are fighting the court over what to do with their house.

Rafael wanted to keep it to maintain stability for the kids, while Malik felt selling it was the only fair solution. In court, their dispute dragged on for months, racking up legal fees. The judge ultimately ordered the home sold, leaving Rafael devastated and Malik equally frustrated. Neither felt the outcome reflected their needs.

Mediation: Maria and Tom have decided to hire a mediator.

Tom and Maria decided to work through the difficult decisions about their house because they believed that despite the hard feelings property issues don’t have to be a battle. With the mediator’s guidance, they decided to the following plan:

Maria would remain in the house for two more years so the kids could finish school
After two years she would sell it and split the proceeds.
Tom will receive a partial buyout upfront so he can move forward with relocating comfortably

This cooperative approach avoided the financial strain of litigation and ensured a solution both could accept.

Divorce Mediation–Even When Collaboration is Hard

Collaboration isn’t always easy—especially when emotions run high or trust is fractured. Even when the negotiation is stressful and challenging, there are usually ways to work through it. But even in higher-conflict situations, mediation provides a pathway to maintaining control over your future. Rolling the dice in court often leads to unpredictable and unsatisfying outcomes. Mediation, on the other hand, allows you to shape decisions that empower you. Taking ownership of the outcome—even when compromises are difficult—is far more rewarding than gambling on a judge’s ruling.

Divorce Mediation Can Lead to a More Certain Future

Mediation provides you and your spouse with something litigation rarely does: certainty.

Together, you create solutions that reflect your unique needs and goals. You save time, money, and stress—and most importantly, you maintain control of your future. Isn’t that a better trade?

Schedule a Free Mediation Consultation

Photo by Edge2Edge Media on Unsplash

Family Conflict Mediation Services

by Ben Stich

Elder Mediation

by Ben Stich

Postnup Mediation in Massachusetts

by Ben Stich

Divorce and Special Needs

by Ben Stich

Divorce and Special Needs Parenting

Parenting children with special needs is complex, and made even more challenging when balancing it with a divorce.

There are so many questions. How do you divide time and responsibilities in a way that best supports your child? What type of parenting schedule will set your child up for success? How can you best coordinate services between two homes?

Divorce mediation is a process that allows you, as parents, to craft a plan that best meets your children’s needs. By doing so, the plan does not need to be cookie-cutter and can be developed with carefully consideration, together.

You can find below examples of how developing a parenting plan in a mediated divorce can be guided by your child’s unique needs.

Note, the examples are used for illustrative purposes only, and should not be construed as legal or clinical advice related to parenting children with disabilities.