Archive for category: Mediation

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Transformative Moments in Co-Parenting Mediation

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Co-Parenting Mediation: Setting the Stage

I recently ended a co-parenting mediation session between two unmarried parents, and the outcome they’re hoping for may transform their relationship in a way neither expected. Let me set the stage—this was not a low-conflict situation. They came to me for parenting mediation because of several significant issues:

  • The father had filed a restraining order against the mother last summer.
  • The mother lost income due to charges filed by the Commonwealth.
  • They have three children, ages 5 to 14, who primarily live with the father, though the mother has regular parenting time.
  • The father’s rent is below market value, but his lease isn’t being renewed, and he cannot afford to stay in the community.
  • The father believes the mother hasn’t been transparent about her financial situation in court.
  • The mother thinks the father is vindictive and trying to hurt her.
  • The father is considering moving out of state to live closer to family in a more affordable area.
  • The mother wants to be as involved in the children’s lives as possible.
  • The father dropped the restraining order the week before mediation began.

As you can see, this wasn’t a simple or cooperative dynamic.

Preparing for Co-Parenting Mediation

Before our joint mediation session, I met with each parent privately. These pre-mediation prep sessions are especially important when the conflict level is high. It gave each of them space to share their history and concerns with me without having to revisit it in front of each other. This approach can help shift the focus from rehashing the past to building a better future.

During these sessions, we explored their goals, communication styles, and what might trigger conflict. We also talked about what they both wanted for their children. Surprisingly, despite their differences, they shared many common goals:

  • Rebuilding trust.
  • Establishing more financial transparency.
  • Putting the children’s interests ahead of their own.

What a Moment!

When we came together for mediation, it became clear that the father had a lot he hadn’t said to the mother—things that could help them move toward a better co-parenting relationship.

With tears streaming down his face, he said:

“I believe I made the right decision to file the restraining order when everything happened. But I didn’t realize all the other problems it would cause. I’m sorry for the embarrassment you faced, for the money you lost because of your jobs. I’m sorry for what it’s done to our relationship. I’m truly sorry. I want to do what I can to help us get to a better place.”

It was an authentic apology—raw, heartfelt, and unexpected.

The conversation that followed wasn’t easy. They tackled difficult financial issues and explored out-of-the-box ideas to meet their shared goals. But something shifted in the room.

Moving Forward Together as Co-Parents

They have a lot of work ahead, but now they’re working together toward:

  • Rebuilding trust.
  • Establishing financial transparency.
  • Prioritizing their children’s well-being.

At the end of the session, the mother looked at the father and said, “I’m so glad you agreed to mediate with me. I feel relieved, and I know we’re going to figure this out. Thank you.”

The father looked up and said, misty-eyed, “Me too.”

 

 

Hopeful Stock photos by Vecteezy

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Divorce and Special Needs

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Divorce and Special Needs Parenting 

Parenting children with special needs is complex, and made even more challenging when balancing it with a divorce.

There are so many questions. How do you divide time and responsibilities in a way that best supports your child? What type of parenting schedule will set your child up for success? How can you best coordinate services between two homes?

Divorce mediation is a process that allows you, as parents, to craft a plan that best meets your children’s needs. By doing so, the plan does not need to be cookie-cutter and can be developed with carefully consideration, together.

You can find below examples of how developing a parenting plan in a mediated divorce can be guided by your child’s unique needs.

Note, the examples are used for illustrative purposes only, and should not be construed as legal or clinical advice related to parenting children with disabilities.

Autism Example

Co-parenting a child with autism often requires consistency, structure, and clear communication. Many children with autism thrive on routines, so a parenting plan needs to account for that. Mediation allows you to work together on creating a schedule that minimizes disruptions—things like bedtimes, meal routines, and school pickups. For an elementary-age child who depends on predictable routines, having two parents aligned on these details can be a game-changer.

In mediation, you can also collaborate on special needs services like therapy or social skills groups. Instead of turning it into a tug-of-war, mediation makes it possible to build a united front. After all, there are only so many meltdowns you can take over switching dinner time from 6:00 to 6:15, right? And so developing a plan together can mitigate some of these predictable challenges.

ADHD Example

Middle school can be tough for any child, but when you add ADHD to the mix, it can be a whole new level of challenge. A child with ADHD—especially if they’re disorganized or struggle with focus—needs a parenting plan that keeps them on track across both households. Mediation allows you as co-parents to establish consistent expectations for each other–such as how to manage transferring schoolbooks, sports equipment, instruments and so on between homes. If communication between you is difficult without the help of a third-party facilitator, mediation also provides an opportunity to decide on expectations for your child across homes, like homework routines, organization strategies, and even how to handle screen time.

Through mediation, you can also discuss how to support your child with executive functioning challenges. Maybe one of you is better at helping with schoolwork, while they are great at fostering creative outlets—mediation lets you divide responsibilities based on strengths, not just splitting time down the middle.

Severe Medical Needs Example

High school brings its own challenges, and for parents of a child with severe medical needs, things can get especially tricky. Whether it’s managing doctor appointments, medications, or emergency plans, a lot of coordination is required. Mediation can help you agree on how to handle medical decision-making and communication with healthcare providers.

A parenting plan can also account for your work schedules and proximity to medical facilities, ensuring that your child’s medical needs are met without unnecessary stress. With mediation, you can fine-tune these logistics and even divide tasks like those never-ending calls to the insurance company, school, and state agencies.

Anxiety Example

Teenagers already dealing with significant anxiety, divorce can add to their stress. A high schooler with anxiety might need extra emotional support, and mediation can help you agree on how to best provide it—whether that’s ensuring consistency in therapy sessions, maintaining a calm and supportive environment, or even aligning on how you’ll approach big events like school dances (because “everyone is going, Mom!”).

In mediation, you can also discuss strategies for managing transitions between homes, which can be particularly stressful for anxious kids. Creating a plan, for example, that minimizes abrupt changes and offers plenty of reassurance might make a world of difference. No judge or attorney is going to know how best to reduce YOUR child’s anxiety, after all!

Transitioning-Age Youth Example

For parents of children with severe special needs, the transition to adulthood comes with unique challenges. In divorce mediation, care must be given to crucial issues such as guardianship, eligibility for government or private agency benefits, employment opportunities, social skills development, and even long-term custodial care. Unlike typically developing children—where child support and custody usually end at the age of majority or after college—parents of children with special needs may be looking at life-long caregiving responsibilities. Mediation allows both of you to address these long-term realities and create a co-parenting plan that ensures the best possible future for your child, even as they transition into adulthood.

Why Divorce Mediation Helps Parents of Children with Special Needs

One of the beauties of divorce mediation is its flexibility. Unlike court-imposed solutions, mediation allows you, as co-parents, to create a parenting plan that is uniquely tailored to your child’s needs. You can think through the little details, talk openly about concerns, and come up with solutions that work for your family—without the added drama of courtroom battles.

In the end, mediation offers a chance for you to focus less on the “divorce” part and more on the “parenting” part. After all, whether you are wrangling an ADHD middle-schooler or navigating life with a medically complex high-schooler, raising kids is already a full-time job. Working together in mediation, even if it’s hard, can set the stage for a plan that meets the special needs of your child and family.

If you would like to learn more about how divorce mediation or collaborative law might help your situation please schedule a complementary half-hour divorce mediation consultation with Ben Stich or a member of his stellar mediation team.

Photo by Nathan Anderson on Unsplash

benefits of divorce mediation in massachusetts

One of the Benefits of Divorce Mediation in Massachusetts: “Winning”

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There are so many myths about divorce and divorce mediation.

Here’s one: Winning

Let’s be real: divorce should not be a contest. There are no shiny trophies at the end, no confetti raining down to celebrate who “won” the biggest chunk of the house, the kids, or the dog. In fact, if you’re in a mindset of “winning” in divorce, you’re likely to “lose”—lose more money, more time, more peace, and lose opportunity for your children to experience less stress.

Because here’s the truth—the only real win is a collaborative win, especially when it comes to your kids.

Winning Redefined: One of the Benefits of Divorce Mediation

In divorce mediation, it’s tempting to focus on getting the upper hand, but this can lead to unnecessary conflict and hurt. Instead, one of the benefits of divorce mediation in Massachusetts is that it offers a chance to rethink “winning” as creating solutions where both of you come out better than you thought possible.

Are you seriously telling me that divorce mediation is kumbaya?

Of course not. Divorce requires difficult decisions. After all, there are finite financial resources and a finite amount of time to spend with children. There are always gains and losses when it comes to divorce. But you can work together to create a balanced agreement where you both feel heard and respected. That’s the real win.

Examples of the Benefits of Redefining Winning in Divorce Mediation:

Parenting Example

Take parenting time. You could push for all the overnights or weekends, but will that really be best for your kids, or are you just trying to “win” the most time?

A true win-win might involve a flexible parenting schedule that prioritizes the kids’ well-being, giving them quality time with both parents. Maybe one parent has the kids during the school week, while the other gets more time during holidays and vacations. Maybe there are a lot of short periods of time with each parent because it’s best for the children to see each parent frequently. Or perhaps it’s better to have a schedule with as few transitions as possible because your child struggles with transitions. It’s about what works best for the family, not who gets the most time (your children are not possessions to be split up!).

Asset Division Example

Or, let’s talk think about asset division—a common battleground. Instead of fighting to keep the assets that are most important you why not work together to accomplish both your goals? Maybe one spouse stays in the house until the kids are out of school, and then it’s sold, with the proceeds split. Or you keep more retirement assets because retiring soon is your highest priority and your spouse keeps more equity in the house because perhaps homeownership is their highest priority.

Child Support Example

Then there’s child support. Instead of looking at support as a loss for you and a gain for them, think of it as ensuring both of you as parents can meet your children’s needs. Maybe it strictly follows the child support guidelines and maybe it’s structured creatively.

Creating Balanced Agreements is One of the Benefits of Divorce Mediation in Massachusetts

Divorce doesn’t have to be about beating your spouse—it can be about finding a way forward that works for everyone. A joint win means reaching agreements that honor your needs, respect your spouse’s interests, and—most importantly if you are parents—set your kids up for success.

So, no, there’s no “winner” in divorce. But with the right mindset, you can walk away with something that feels fair and equitable to both of you.

If you would like to learn more about how divorce mediation or collaborative law might help your situation please schedule a complementary half-hour divorce mediation consultation with Ben Stich or a member of his stellar mediation team.

Photo by Jelly Dollar on Unsplash

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How to Have a Successful Divorce Mediation: Start with Setting Goals

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Divorce is stressful and having a successful divorce can be daunting. It’s one of those paradoxes of life—you’re expected to make huge, life-altering decisions when you might be feeling anything but calm and collected. The truth is, it’s tough to think straight when emotions are running high, and that’s perfectly normal.

A lot of couples starting divorce mediation feel overwhelmed, but here’s the good news: you don’t need to have all the answers right now. What can help is taking a step back and thinking about your goals. Even if you’re not sure how to get there, knowing what really matters to you can be a huge step toward making clearer, more confident decisions.

Why Goal-Setting Can be a Game-Changer for a Successful Divorce Mediation

Mediation is all about collaboration, and one of the best ways to keep things moving in the right direction is by setting thoughtful, clear goals. These goals will guide the entire process, helping you focus on the big picture and reduce getting caught up in the emotional rollercoaster.

Sharing your goals with your spouse and your divorce mediator right from the start creates clarity, helps find common ground, and keeps everyone anchored during the tough moments. Here are a few examples of the kinds of goals to think about.

The Outcomes You Want

At the heart of every mediation are the outcomes that matter most to each of you—things like dividing assets fairly, creating a parenting plan, or ensuring financial stability after the divorce. Or, maintaining a friendship, planning for a comfortable retirement, parenting well together, or staying connected to the dog! The goals are personal to you and your situation. By having clear goals for these key outcomes you are identifying the divorce destination. The divorce mediation is the process to map out the steps needed to arrive at those destinations. And when you both know what you’re aiming for, it’s easier to collaborate and find solutions that work for everyone.

How You Work Together

It’s not just what you want that matters—it’s how you get there, too. Divorce can stir up a lot of emotions, and sometimes that can lead to unproductive arguments or power struggles. Setting goals for how to work together can help establish shared communication guidelines, expectations, or norms for how you’ll communicate during mediation. For instance, maybe you agree to not interrupt each other. Or to summarize to check for understanding. Or take a break when you’re getting frustrated. Getting on the same page about how to work together can go a long way toward reducing conflict and keeping things on track.

Short-Term, Intermediate, and Long-Term Goals

Think about your goals on different timelines. What needs to be sorted out right away, like who stays in the family home? What needs attention in the next year, like helping your kids adjust to a new routine? And what’s on the horizon in the long-term, like ensuring both of you are financially independent or that your children grow up in a stable, loving environment? Stepping back and looking at your situation from a distance (a “balcony view“) can help you assess if your agreements are fair and reasonable in the short and long term.

Goals for Your Kids

If you have children, this is probably one of your biggest concerns. Setting goals that prioritize their well-being—like a parenting schedule that works for everyone, or decisions about who’s responsible for what—can help ensure your children continue to thrive, even as things change. Perhaps the goal might be driven by your child’s special needs’ considerations. Or by their connection to their friends and community. Or perhaps wanting to be sure they have proverbial skin in the game when it comes to college financing. As parents, your parenting values, philosophies, and aspirations can help guide the development of a good parenting plan.

Just Like a GPS…

Picture this: you wouldn’t head out on a road trip without a map (or a GPS these days, right?). Setting goals for your divorce mediation is kind of like having that map. It keeps you pointed in the right direction, even when the road gets a little bumpy. With shared and individual goals guiding the way, you’re setting yourself up for a smoother, more successful divorce process.

If you would like to learn more about how divorce mediation or collaborative law might help your situation please schedule a complementary half-hour divorce mediation consultation with Ben Stich or a member of his stellar mediation team.

Photo by Ronnie Overgoor on Unsplash
how to get an uncontested divorce in Massachusetts

Steps for Getting an Uncontested Divorce in Massachusetts

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When I start divorce mediation consultations most clients explain how they need help understanding the complex divorce process in Massachusetts. Many feel like they do not know much about it, often saying, We need guidance because we don’t know what we don’t know!

Steps for Getting an Uncontested Divorce in Massachusetts

1. Ensure you Meet Residency Requirements

Either one spouse has lived in Massachusetts for a year, or the cause of the divorce happened in Massachusetts while the couple was residing there, and one spouse is still living in the state at the time of filing.

2. Understand the Grounds for Divorce

Massachusetts offers both “no-fault” and “fault-based” divorce options. A “no-fault” divorce means that neither spouse is to blame for the end of the marriage, while a “fault-based” divorce involves alleging wrongdoing, such as adultery or cruelty. 1A divorces are “no-fault” based on an “irretrievable breakdown of the marriage.”

3. Understand “1A” and “1B” Paths of Getting a Divorce in Massachusetts

There are two ways of filing for divorce:

  • A 1A divorce is an uncontested divorce. The “filing for divorce” happens at the end of the divorce negotiation. The filing involves submitting divorce paperwork to the Probate and Family Court to request a hearing for a judge to review (and hopefully approve!) the divorce agreement.
  • A 1B divorce is a contested divorce, which initiates the legal divorce process and involves the court system prior to coming to a full agreement. In contrast to a 1A divorce, a 1B divorce may involve more time, attorney involvement, and court intervention. You can still mediate if one spouse has filed a 1B divorce.

4. Determine Who is Part of Your Divorce Team

Decide how you want to be guided in your divorce process. Options include:

There may be other professionals that might help provide the advice you need to inform your decisions, such as a certified divorce financial analyst, a mediation-friendly divorce attorney as a consultant, a certified divorce lending professional, a CPA, and a divorce coach, among others.

5. Collect Necessary Documents

Gather important documents related to your marriage, finances, and assets. These may include:

  1. Marriage certificate
  2. Financial statements and tax returns
  3. Property records
  4. Information about your children (if applicable)

6. Complete Financial Statements

Both you and your spouse will be required to complete financial statements, which outline your income, expenses, assets, and liabilities. This information will help in determining property division, alimony, and child support.

7. Negotiate, Make Decisions, and Draft a Separation Agreement

In a joint petition for divorce (1A) settlement most typically occurs through divorce mediation, attorney negotiation, or Collaborative Law. The formal settlement agreement is called a Separation Agreement. The Separation Agreement will address property division, spousal support, insurance, taxes, and for parents, a parenting plan and child support. A joint petition for divorce empowers spouses to make decisions they believe are fair, reasonable, and equitable, while having the maximal control over their decision-making.

8. For 1A Divorces, File for Divorce

Filing a 1A divorce involves submitting a lot of paperwork to the court, a filing fee of $215, and a marriage license. This is an example of a filing checklist of documents required to file a 1A divorce in Massachusetts.

9. Attend a Court Hearing

If your filing is accepted (the court can reject filings if there are mistakes) a hearing will be scheduled a couple of months from the date of filing. The judge will have reviewed your Separation Agreement and financial statements. You will take the oath that you will tell the truth and then be asked a series of standard questions by the judge, as well as some specific questions related to your circumstances. If all goes well the judge will approve your agreement. The judge may reject parts of your agreement and ask you to make some changes. You can make changes that same day and be heard by the judge again. If that is not possible, a follow-up hearing will be scheduled to review your updated agreement.

10. Divorce Waiting Period

In a 1A divorce once the agreement is approved the judgment will be issued in 30 days (theoretically you could withdraw the divorce in those 30 day). At the 30 day mark you enter the Nisi period which is an additional 90 day waiting period until Divorce Absolute, which is when the divorce is legally finalized (total of 120 days).

Knowing that you don’t know what you don’t know…

It is the mediator’s responsibility to make sure you are fully informed about the divorce process. Clients sometimes lead with “this might be a dumb question” and let me assure you: there is no dumb question. The court process is complicated and confusing and the mediator will provide support and education to be sure you are fully informed about the process.

If you would like to learn more about how divorce mediation or collaborative law might help your situation please schedule a complementary half-hour divorce mediation consultation with Ben Stich or a member of his stellar mediation team.

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Amicable Divorce: The Power of Language for Parents in Divorce Mediation

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How do they expect this to be an amicable divorce?

Imagine trying to have an amicable divorce when your spouse constantly refers to your children as “his children?” Or she continually talks about how you’ve “broken up the family?” Or they constantly say they are going to have “sole physical custody?”

Does that invite collaboration? Or goodwill? Does it foster peace?

Probably not. On the contrary, those words probably make you feel defensive, demeaned, and divisive.

The words you use during a divorce can fuel negativity or promote a more constructive, collaborative, and amicable divorce process. While shifting a single word may seem inconsequential, by consciously choosing your language, you can change the entire tone of the divorce mediation process!

From “Dismantling a Family” to “Restructuring a Family”

One of the most powerful shifts is replacing the idea of “dismantling” or “breaking up” a family with “restructuring” or “reorganizing” a family. Divorce doesn’t mean the end of a family; it means the family is evolving, especially when children are involved.

By choosing language that reflects transition and change, you can create an environment where both of you feel you are working towards a new family dynamic rather than witnessing the destruction of something important.

From “My Kids” to “Our Kids”

It’s easy for parents to fall into the habit of saying “my kids” during a divorce, especially when emotions are running high. However, this language subtly divides the children between the parents and reinforces an adversarial mindset. Referring to them as “our kids” creates a bridge to your shared love for your children.

This subtle yet powerful shift in language encourages a shared sense of responsibility and importance of both parents in the children’s lives.

From “Physical Custody” to “Parenting Schedule”

The term “physical custody” can feel territorial, with one parent feeling like they are being awarded time while the other parent loses out. Instead, using the term “parenting schedule” emphasizes that both parents have an important role and are sharing time based on what works best for the children.

This reframing helps parents think in terms of logistics and co-parenting, rather than a win/lose situation.

From “Legal Custody” to “Decision-Making Authority”

“Legal custody” often feels abstract and distant, but the reality is that it refers to important aspects of raising children—like making decisions about education, healthcare, and religious upbringing.

This language shift helps both parents stay focused on what matters most: how they will make key decisions for their children’s future.

From “My Ex” to “My Co-Parent”

Referring to your former spouse as “my ex” often carries emotional baggage and can perpetuate feelings of animosity. Reframing them as “my co-parent” emphasizes their ongoing role in your children’s lives and encourages a more respectful, collaborative relationship.

This change in terminology reflects a more forward-thinking, cooperative approach that can help build a stronger co-parenting relationship moving forward.

From “Visitation” to “Parenting Time”

The word “visitation” implies that one parent is a visitor in their children’s lives, which can feel disempowering. By using the term “parenting time,” both parents can feel that their role is respected, and it removes the idea that one parent is merely an occasional presence regardless of the amount of parenting time each parent has.

Reframing this term helps parents feel like they are an active parent in their children’s lives.

The Power of Language in Shaping an Amicable Divorce 

Now imagine trying to be cooperative and gracious in a divorce process when your spouse constantly refers to your children as “our children?” Or she continually talks about how “we need to restructure our family.” Or they talk about how we can come up with a “parenting schedule that works for the kids and for us?”

Does that invite collaboration? Or goodwill? Does it foster peace?

It might!

The words you use shape how you think, feel, and act–and how your co-parent will think, feel, and act in response!

By deliberately choosing words that promote collaboration, fairness, and shared responsibility, you can foster an amicable divorce mediation process.

If you would like to learn more about how divorce mediation or collaborative law might help your situation please schedule a complementary half-hour divorce mediation consultation with Ben Stich or a member of his stellar mediation team.

Photo by Huy Nguyễn: https://www.pexels.com/photo/a-man-and-woman-holding-a-child-in-the-air-28354752/

how divorce mediation helps couples divide assets fairly

How Divorce Mediation Helps Couples Divide Assets Fairly

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Divorce is overwhelming for so many reasons, not the least of which are the financial implications of separating. Figuring out how to support two households instead of one and still accomplish your financial goals are parts of the challenges of divorce. While asset division is never easy, and hard decisions are required, this post will briefly explain how divorce mediation helps couples divide assets fairly and equitably.

What is asset division?

There is a common misconception that couples are required to divide everything equally. Not so!

Massachusetts follows the principle of “equitable distribution” when dividing property in a divorce. Equitable does not necessarily mean equal; instead, it means dividing assets fairly. The goal is to ensure a just outcome that might be 50/50 but not necessarily 50/50. 

All divorcing couples are required to disclose all financial assets and liabilities to each other and to the court using court financial statements. This includes financial accounts like bank accounts, investment accounts and retirement accounts and real property like the value of real estate, vehicles, and jewelry. All liabilities must also be disclosed. All assets and liabilities need to be addressed in the divorce agreement, which is called a Separation Agreement in Massachusetts.

How divorce mediation helps couples divide assets fairly

Your mediator will guide you through the financial disclosure process and ensure you have both reviewed the other’s financial statement. The mediator will then facilitate a discussion about your financial interests. Interests I often hear about in mediation include:

  • I’d like to be able to afford to be a homeowner
  • I want to be able to retire before I’m 70
  • I want to be able to put the kids through college
  • I want to get debt-free
  • I want to afford to move overseas
  • I’d like to stay in my community so I can remain connected to my congregation and friends

Once interests are determined it easier to work together to decide how to divide assets in way that is fair, reasonable, and equitable.

Consider this example from one of my mediations:

Spouse A wants to be a homeowner and plans to work “until I drop.” They have a large retirement savings from previous jobs.

Spouse B wants to retire at 65. They are a homeowner but have little retirement savings.

Option 1: Divide 50/50.

If they divided things 50/50 Spouse A would not have enough cash to be a homeowner and Spouse B would not have enough retirement savings to retire by 65. They would both lose!

Option 2: Make decisions based on interests.

By making interest-based financial decisions Spouse A received the house and spouse B received a very high percentage of the retirement assets.  Win-win!

Are there other financial issues we need to figure out in our divorce?

Yes! If you are parents decisions need to be made about child support and other child-related expenses like activities, uninsured expenses, and schooling. Spousal support, which is commonly known as alimony, may also be a consideration. Your mediator will guide you through all those decisions.

Can I change my mind about property division after the divorce?

No. All property division in a Separation Agreement functions as an independent contract (the legal term is “survives” the judgment of divorce). That means unless fraud was committed once assets are divided they cannot be undivided by the court. 

How can I learn more about how mediation can help us divide assets fairly?

If you would to learn more about how mediation can help you divide assets fairly schedule a free half-hour consultation with Ben.

Photo by Steven Van Loy on Unsplash

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Alimony in Massachusetts

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Going through a divorce and figuring out how alimony in Massachusetts works can be confusing, overwhelming, and emotionally taxing. 

What is Alimony in Massachusetts?

Alimony, which is commonly known as spousal support, is financial support that one spouse may pay to the other after a divorce. Its primary purpose is to help the lower-earning spouse maintain a similar standard of living they had during the marriage for a specified duration.

Different Types of Spousal Support in Massachusetts

There are four types of spousal support in Massachusetts.

  1. General Term Alimony: This is typically awarded in longer marriages and provides ongoing financial support to the recipient spouse. There are maximum lengths of alimony based on the length of the marriage: 
    1. Marriages of 5 years or less: 50% of the number of months of the marriage
    2. Marriages of 10 years or less: 60% of the number of months of the marriage
    3. Marriages of 15 years or less: 70% of the number of months of the marriage
    4. Marriages of 20 years or less: 80% of the number of months of the marriage
    5. Marriages more than 20 years: typically, until retirement

  2. Rehabilitative Alimony: Designed to support the recipient spouse while they acquire the necessary skills or education to become financially independent. It has a specific end date. The duration is not to exceed more than five years.

  3. Reimbursement Alimony: Awarded when one spouse supported the other in pursuing higher education or career training during the marriage. The recipient spouse is reimbursed for the support they provided. This only applies to marriages of five years or less.

  4. Transitional Alimony: Provides financial assistance for a short period to help the recipient spouse adjust to a new life situation, such as relocation or reestablishing themselves. This only applies to marriages of five years or less.

Factors Considered in Alimony Determination

When determining negotiating spousal support in mediation couples can take many factors in to account, such as:

  1. Length of the marriage 

  2. Financial needs of both parties 

  3. Income and employability 

  4. Standard of living during the marriage 

  5. Contributions to the marriage — financial (earnings) and non-financial (raising the children)

  6. Age and health 

  7. Other relevant factors: Any other relevant circumstances may be taken into account, such as child support and tax consequences.

Can Alimony Change Over Time in Massachusetts?

Yes. The modifiability of spousal support is something you will decide together in mediation.

Alimony orders in Massachusetts are not usually set in stone. They can be modified if there is a significant change in circumstances for either spouse. For example, if the paying spouse loses their job or the recipient spouse secures a well-paying job, the alimony arrangement might be revisited.

Why it’s important to consult an attorney if you want advice about spousal support

Your mediator will educate you and facilitate your negotiation. However, the mediator will always remain neutral about the decisions you make. The court prefers divorcing couples to seek independent legal counsel (ideally from a mediation-friendly divorce attorney) to help provide guidance. The law around support obligations is complex and getting advice can help folks mediating make better informed decisions.

How can I learn more about how mediation can help us figure out alimony?

If you would to learn more about how mediation can help you figure out alimony in Massachusetts schedule a free half-hour consultation with Ben.

Photo by Cytonn Photography on Unsplash

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Unexpected Divorce Negotiation Tip: Silence!

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Are you familiar with the phrase, “Silence is golden”? Well, in the world of divorce mediations, it’s not just golden; it’s pure platinum! Let’s explore why embracing moments of silence can be your secret divorce negotiation tip.

1. The Pause that Refreshes: Imagine this scenario: You’re flabbergasted by something your spouse just said in mediation. Instead of scrambling for an immediate response, take a breath and remain silent for a moment. This pause allows you to process the information, weigh your options, and respond thoughtfully, rather than impulsively. Silence can help you maintain composure and avoid hasty decisions.

2. The “Listening Detective”: Silence can help you better understand your spouse’s interests and options. By staying silent, you encourage your spouse to share more information, thoughts, and sometimes concessions that might not have otherwise shared. Instead of interrupting, embrace silence. Become a “listening detective” by absorbing every detail. When you finally speak, your response will reflect a deeper understanding of their needs, paving the way for win-win solutions.

3. Mirroring and Building Rapport: People tend to mirror the behaviors of those they are communicating with. If you maintain a composed and attentive silence, your negotiation partner is more likely to do the same. This can lead to a more constructive, respectful, and collaborative atmosphere. It’s like a dance where both parties move in harmony, building rapport and trust.

4. Creating Space for Reflection: Negotiations often involve complex decisions with far-reaching consequences. Embracing silence provides a space for both you and your spouse to reflect on the discussion. It’s like stepping back from the canvas to see the bigger picture. By giving each other this mental space, you can make more informed choices and potentially find creative solutions.

5. Letting Offers Marinate: Sometimes, offers and counteroffers need time to marinate before they can reach their full flavor. Silence allows you to leave offers on the table without immediately accepting or rejecting them. This can lead to revised proposals that better suit both of your needs. It’s like cooking a delicious stew; slow simmering often produces the best results.

Do not underestimate the power of silence in negotiations. In fact, new MIT research describes how silence can be a game changing  (but difficult!) divorce negotiation tip to create a collaborative resolution! By strategically embracing moments of quiet contemplation, you can enhance your understanding of the situation, foster productive communication, and ultimately secure better outcomes. So, remember that sometimes, saying nothing can say a lot!

Photo by Ernie A. Stephens on Unsplash

what is child support in massachusetts

What is Child Support in Massachusetts?

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Child support is a crucial aspect of ensuring child well-being when their parents are no longer together. In Massachusetts, as in many other states, child support is a legal obligation and the right of the child that aims to provide financial support to help children maintain a quality standard of living. 

What Does Child Support Cover?

Child support is a regular, monetary payment made by one parent to the other to help cover the costs of raising their child. Child support ensures the children’s basic needs will be provided for in both parents’ homes. It also helps the children enjoy a similar quality of life in both homes. Generally, child support helps to offset a portion of the cost for food (ex. groceries and hygiene), clothing, and shelter (a portion of overhead).

What Does it NOT Cover?

Child support is not intended to provide for all child-related expenses. Most parenting plans include separate arrangements for how to pay for other expenses, such as activities, lessons, and camp; most uninsured medical, dental, vision, and psychological expenses; day-care or private school; and sometimes college.

How do We Calculate Child Support in Massachusetts?

The Commonwealth of Massachusetts requires all divorcing parents to complete the child support worksheet. On the form you will provide the following information:

  • Proportion of time each parent has with the children
  • Number of children
  • Number of children that are above or below 18
  • Gross income of each parent
  • Health, dental and vision insurance premium costs
  • Child care costs
  • Other child support obligations

The calculator will then provide a weekly child support figure.

Do We Need to Use the Number from the Worksheet?

Divorce mediation provides an opportunity for parents to figure out child support in Massachusetts. Parents can follow what the worksheet indicates, known as the guideline order. Or, they can deviate if they believe another amount serves the children’s best interests. Parents often consider the paying parent’s ability to pay and the receiving parent’s needs for providing for the children.

The Massachusetts’ child support guidelines outline a long list of factors to consider in determining child support. A mediator can help guide a constructive negotiation. 

How can I learn more about how mediation can help us with child support?

If you would to learn more about mediation to determine child support schedule a free half-hour consultation with Ben.

Photo by Steven Van Loy on Unsplash

Ben Stich Mediator, LICSW, M.Ed

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