Sometimes the hardest conversations, the ones we dread the most, provide the greatest opportunity for growth and change in a relationship. I thought about this after chatting with a friend about a tough time with her husband. For her, the “D” word changed everything. That’s right. I’m talking about Divorce. What a loaded word! It […]
I had a divorce mediation client who loved to win. He loved to win in basketball, business, and investments. His success in life was a result of his competitive nature, he believed. His wife hated his competitive nature. She thought it was short-sighted and interfered with their communication and decision-making. Losing Marriage Arguments They both […]
Two never-married parents in a child custody mediation despise one another. They chose child custody mediation to push themselves to improve their communication and co-parenting. They are practicing some classic communication strategies. Reflecting back what they are hearing to make sure they understand one another. Listening without interrupting. Even trying to validate feelings. Amazing strategies. […]
Understatement of the year: teenagers are tough to parent. Tell me something you don’t know, right? Some conventional ways parents deal with their intransigent teens involve arguing, punishing, ignoring, avoiding, and when push comes to shove, therapy. I recently had success with an unconventional approach with two “heated” teenagers who almost fought on the bus. […]
Ever offer a solution to a problem that you know will help the other person? A brilliant, selfless, creative, and irrefutable solution? Like this one I heard during a MA child support mediation: “I really won’t care if you reduce the child support.” How many parents paying child support would LOVE to be told that […]
Ever get really impatient waiting for an answer to a question? I know a lot of people like this (you know, like me). Unfortunately, this impatience causes problems. Let’s take Jake, a student with whom I work. One of his teachers had a frustrating experience with him. The teacher asked him a question. Jake looked […]
There is a family judge in Massachusetts who makes decisions for children of divorce every day. She has a sign hanging on her door that reads: Do You Hate Your Ex More Than You Love Your Kids? Provocative question, right? You might be thinking “of course I don’t — that’s just ridiculous!” Maybe you are […]
I used to interview prospective staff for a residential treatment program before I became a family mediator. Whenever I asked them to describe qualities that would make them a good child care worker I was invariably told something like, “I love to help people and I’m a GREAT listener.” Yet, when I would walk in to […]
When you are arguing with someone do you ever feel like the other person is speaking a foreign language? That they don’t make any sense? When this happens to me it is like listening to french over twenty years after studying it in high school — I recognize a few words but miss the larger […]
“Why do I NEED to consider her point of view after all the marriage problems we’ve had, and the way she’s treated me?” A divorce mediation client angrily asked this of me after I made a comment suggesting the possibility that he might need to consider his wife’s perspective. I was trying to suggest that […]