People tell me “I want to refer someone to you but they are really high conflict so there’s no way mediation could work for them.” Then, I take a deep breathe, resist the urge to say something like “that doesn’t make sense!” and ask them to tell me about the situation. FICTION: Mediators only works […]
I often find inspiration for posts from my family mediation services. But the reality is that communication lessons are present everyday if we pay attention. A friend of mine was venting to me recently about his mother-in-law. He is a videographer. Exceptionally talented, award-winning, and creative. He has made a great career creating marketing materials […]
I am a mediator and I recently lost one of the loves of my life. A best friend. A source of unconditional support. His name was Brady. My dog, Brady. I provide family mediation, and yes, I am one of those pet-owners. You know the kind. The ones who consider their pet a member of the […]
I am always trying to find a unique twist for my posts. Something that sets my ideas apart. Thinking about this post, common expressions I hear from parents in mediation kept running through my mind. Statements like: He’s so demanding. She’s so controlling. He’s rude. She’s bossy. Hmmm…I wonder what mind-blowing advice I could provide […]
Common separation agreement ideas: “We’ll just split things down the middle. That’s just the fair thing to do.” “We just want to be fair so we’ll add it all up and split it 50/50.” These are reasonable ideas. But does that mean they are “fair?” What Do You Mean? Of Course it Does! Does fairness […]
Do you ever feel like banging your head against the wall when dealing with rigid and inflexible people? Folks who get stuck in only one way of thinking? Who have trouble seeing the forest through the trees? Ever find yourself in a conversation that seems to be going nowhere because the other person doesn’t seem […]
Echos of a divorce mediation: She doesn’t get it! He’s SO emotional. All they’re going to do is talk about their FEELINGS. She’s SO patronizing. All he’s going to do is talk about what is LOGICAL. Can you relate to arguing with someone whose brain operates in a fundamentally different way than yours? Common Dynamics […]
There are some great concepts that mediators use in the mediation process that can be applied right at home. Let’s break down mediator jargon to make it useful for dealing with family conflict. My way or the highway doesn’t work well in the divorce mediation process, and it won’t in your home either… Positions: Many […]
Ever been told you should listen more? To wait before you respond? To just shut up and just pay attention for a second? To stop sounding like Charlie Brown’s teacher going wah-wa-wah-wa-wah…? Solid advice, right? Rubbish! Or that’s what someone named Elissa wrote to me after reading one of my posts about communication in relationships. […]
Ever receive an apology that didn’t feel apologetic? Left you feeling worse? Angrier? Infuriated? In mediation — and in life — I see apologies of all shapes, sizes and colors. Some feel authentic and cathartic. Some feel compulsory and meaningless. Some feel passive-aggressive and irritating. And some downright hurtful. “I’m sorry you feel that way” […]