Echos of a divorce mediation: She doesn’t get it! He’s SO emotional. All they’re going to do is talk about their FEELINGS. She’s SO patronizing. All he’s going to do is talk about what is LOGICAL. Can you relate to arguing with someone whose brain operates in a fundamentally different way than yours? Common Dynamics […]
There are some great concepts that mediators use in the mediation process that can be applied right at home. Let’s break down mediator jargon to make it useful for dealing with family conflict. My way or the highway doesn’t work well in the divorce mediation process, and it won’t in your home either… Positions: Many […]
Ever been told you should listen more? To wait before you respond? To just shut up and just pay attention for a second? To stop sounding like Charlie Brown’s teacher going wah-wa-wah-wa-wah…? Solid advice, right? Rubbish! Or that’s what someone named Elissa wrote to me after reading one of my posts about communication in relationships. […]
Ever receive an apology that didn’t feel apologetic? Left you feeling worse? Angrier? Infuriated? In mediation — and in life — I see apologies of all shapes, sizes and colors. Some feel authentic and cathartic. Some feel compulsory and meaningless. Some feel passive-aggressive and irritating. And some downright hurtful. “I’m sorry you feel that way” […]
Sometimes the hardest conversations, the ones we dread the most, provide the greatest opportunity for growth and change in a relationship. I thought about this after chatting with a friend about a tough time with her husband. For her, the “D” word changed everything. That’s right. I’m talking about Divorce. What a loaded word! It […]
I had a divorce mediation client who loved to win. He loved to win in basketball, business, and investments. His success in life was a result of his competitive nature, he believed. His wife hated his competitive nature. She thought it was short-sighted and interfered with their communication and decision-making. Losing Marriage Arguments They both […]
Two never-married parents in a child custody mediation despise one another. They chose child custody mediation to push themselves to improve their communication and co-parenting. They are practicing some classic communication strategies. Reflecting back what they are hearing to make sure they understand one another. Listening without interrupting. Even trying to validate feelings. Amazing strategies. […]
Understatement of the year: teenagers are tough to parent. Tell me something you don’t know, right? Some conventional ways parents deal with their intransigent teens involve arguing, punishing, ignoring, avoiding, and when push comes to shove, therapy. I recently had success with an unconventional approach with two “heated” teenagers who almost fought on the bus. […]
Ever offer a solution to a problem that you know will help the other person? A brilliant, selfless, creative, and irrefutable solution? Like this one I heard during a MA child support mediation: “I really won’t care if you reduce the child support.” How many parents paying child support would LOVE to be told that […]
Ever get really impatient waiting for an answer to a question? I know a lot of people like this (you know, like me). Unfortunately, this impatience causes problems. Let’s take Jake, a student with whom I work. One of his teachers had a frustrating experience with him. The teacher asked him a question. Jake looked […]