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Transformative Moments in Co-Parenting Mediation

Co-Parenting Mediation: Setting the Stage

I recently ended a co-parenting mediation session between two unmarried parents, and the outcome they’re hoping for may transform their relationship in a way neither expected. Let me set the stage—this was not a low-conflict situation. They came to me for parenting mediation because of several significant issues:

  • The father had filed a restraining order against the mother last summer.
  • The mother lost income due to charges filed by the Commonwealth.
  • They have three children, ages 5 to 14, who primarily live with the father, though the mother has regular parenting time.
  • The father’s rent is below market value, but his lease isn’t being renewed, and he cannot afford to stay in the community.
  • The father believes the mother hasn’t been transparent about her financial situation in court.
  • The mother thinks the father is vindictive and trying to hurt her.
  • The father is considering moving out of state to live closer to family in a more affordable area.
  • The mother wants to be as involved in the children’s lives as possible.
  • The father dropped the restraining order the week before mediation began.

As you can see, this wasn’t a simple or cooperative dynamic.

Preparing for Co-Parenting Mediation

Before our joint mediation session, I met with each parent privately. These pre-mediation prep sessions are especially important when the conflict level is high. It gave each of them space to share their history and concerns with me without having to revisit it in front of each other. This approach can help shift the focus from rehashing the past to building a better future.

During these sessions, we explored their goals, communication styles, and what might trigger conflict. We also talked about what they both wanted for their children. Surprisingly, despite their differences, they shared many common goals:

  • Rebuilding trust.
  • Establishing more financial transparency.
  • Putting the children’s interests ahead of their own.

What a Moment!

When we came together for mediation, it became clear that the father had a lot he hadn’t said to the mother—things that could help them move toward a better co-parenting relationship.

With tears streaming down his face, he said:

“I believe I made the right decision to file the restraining order when everything happened. But I didn’t realize all the other problems it would cause. I’m sorry for the embarrassment you faced, for the money you lost because of your jobs. I’m sorry for what it’s done to our relationship. I’m truly sorry. I want to do what I can to help us get to a better place.”

It was an authentic apology—raw, heartfelt, and unexpected.

The conversation that followed wasn’t easy. They tackled difficult financial issues and explored out-of-the-box ideas to meet their shared goals. But something shifted in the room.

Moving Forward Together as Co-Parents

They have a lot of work ahead, but now they’re working together toward:

  • Rebuilding trust.
  • Establishing financial transparency.
  • Prioritizing their children’s well-being.

At the end of the session, the mother looked at the father and said, “I’m so glad you agreed to mediate with me. I feel relieved, and I know we’re going to figure this out. Thank you.”

The father looked up and said, misty-eyed, “Me too.”

 

 

Hopeful Stock photos by Vecteezy

divorce special needs mediation

Divorce and Special Needs

Divorce and Special Needs Parenting 

Parenting children with special needs is complex, and made even more challenging when balancing it with a divorce.

There are so many questions. How do you divide time and responsibilities in a way that best supports your child? What type of parenting schedule will set your child up for success? How can you best coordinate services between two homes?

Divorce mediation is a process that allows you, as parents, to craft a plan that best meets your children’s needs. By doing so, the plan does not need to be cookie-cutter and can be developed with carefully consideration, together.

You can find below examples of how developing a parenting plan in a mediated divorce can be guided by your child’s unique needs.

Note, the examples are used for illustrative purposes only, and should not be construed as legal or clinical advice related to parenting children with disabilities.

Autism Example

Co-parenting a child with autism often requires consistency, structure, and clear communication. Many children with autism thrive on routines, so a parenting plan needs to account for that. Mediation allows you to work together on creating a schedule that minimizes disruptions—things like bedtimes, meal routines, and school pickups. For an elementary-age child who depends on predictable routines, having two parents aligned on these details can be a game-changer.

In mediation, you can also collaborate on special needs services like therapy or social skills groups. Instead of turning it into a tug-of-war, mediation makes it possible to build a united front. After all, there are only so many meltdowns you can take over switching dinner time from 6:00 to 6:15, right? And so developing a plan together can mitigate some of these predictable challenges.

ADHD Example

Middle school can be tough for any child, but when you add ADHD to the mix, it can be a whole new level of challenge. A child with ADHD—especially if they’re disorganized or struggle with focus—needs a parenting plan that keeps them on track across both households. Mediation allows you as co-parents to establish consistent expectations for each other–such as how to manage transferring schoolbooks, sports equipment, instruments and so on between homes. If communication between you is difficult without the help of a third-party facilitator, mediation also provides an opportunity to decide on expectations for your child across homes, like homework routines, organization strategies, and even how to handle screen time.

Through mediation, you can also discuss how to support your child with executive functioning challenges. Maybe one of you is better at helping with schoolwork, while they are great at fostering creative outlets—mediation lets you divide responsibilities based on strengths, not just splitting time down the middle.

Severe Medical Needs Example

High school brings its own challenges, and for parents of a child with severe medical needs, things can get especially tricky. Whether it’s managing doctor appointments, medications, or emergency plans, a lot of coordination is required. Mediation can help you agree on how to handle medical decision-making and communication with healthcare providers.

A parenting plan can also account for your work schedules and proximity to medical facilities, ensuring that your child’s medical needs are met without unnecessary stress. With mediation, you can fine-tune these logistics and even divide tasks like those never-ending calls to the insurance company, school, and state agencies.

Anxiety Example

Teenagers already dealing with significant anxiety, divorce can add to their stress. A high schooler with anxiety might need extra emotional support, and mediation can help you agree on how to best provide it—whether that’s ensuring consistency in therapy sessions, maintaining a calm and supportive environment, or even aligning on how you’ll approach big events like school dances (because “everyone is going, Mom!”).

In mediation, you can also discuss strategies for managing transitions between homes, which can be particularly stressful for anxious kids. Creating a plan, for example, that minimizes abrupt changes and offers plenty of reassurance might make a world of difference. No judge or attorney is going to know how best to reduce YOUR child’s anxiety, after all!

Transitioning-Age Youth Example

For parents of children with severe special needs, the transition to adulthood comes with unique challenges. In divorce mediation, care must be given to crucial issues such as guardianship, eligibility for government or private agency benefits, employment opportunities, social skills development, and even long-term custodial care. Unlike typically developing children—where child support and custody usually end at the age of majority or after college—parents of children with special needs may be looking at life-long caregiving responsibilities. Mediation allows both of you to address these long-term realities and create a co-parenting plan that ensures the best possible future for your child, even as they transition into adulthood.

Why Divorce Mediation Helps Parents of Children with Special Needs

One of the beauties of divorce mediation is its flexibility. Unlike court-imposed solutions, mediation allows you, as co-parents, to create a parenting plan that is uniquely tailored to your child’s needs. You can think through the little details, talk openly about concerns, and come up with solutions that work for your family—without the added drama of courtroom battles.

In the end, mediation offers a chance for you to focus less on the “divorce” part and more on the “parenting” part. After all, whether you are wrangling an ADHD middle-schooler or navigating life with a medically complex high-schooler, raising kids is already a full-time job. Working together in mediation, even if it’s hard, can set the stage for a plan that meets the special needs of your child and family.

If you would like to learn more about how divorce mediation or collaborative law might help your situation please schedule a complementary half-hour divorce mediation consultation with Ben Stich or a member of his stellar mediation team.

Photo by Nathan Anderson on Unsplash

how to get an uncontested divorce in Massachusetts

Steps for Getting an Uncontested Divorce in Massachusetts

When I start divorce mediation consultations most clients explain how they need help understanding the complex divorce process in Massachusetts. Many feel like they do not know much about it, often saying, We need guidance because we don’t know what we don’t know!

Steps for Getting an Uncontested Divorce in Massachusetts

1. Ensure you Meet Residency Requirements

Either one spouse has lived in Massachusetts for a year, or the cause of the divorce happened in Massachusetts while the couple was residing there, and one spouse is still living in the state at the time of filing.

2. Understand the Grounds for Divorce

Massachusetts offers both “no-fault” and “fault-based” divorce options. A “no-fault” divorce means that neither spouse is to blame for the end of the marriage, while a “fault-based” divorce involves alleging wrongdoing, such as adultery or cruelty. 1A divorces are “no-fault” based on an “irretrievable breakdown of the marriage.”

3. Understand “1A” and “1B” Paths of Getting a Divorce in Massachusetts

There are two ways of filing for divorce:

  • A 1A divorce is an uncontested divorce. The “filing for divorce” happens at the end of the divorce negotiation. The filing involves submitting divorce paperwork to the Probate and Family Court to request a hearing for a judge to review (and hopefully approve!) the divorce agreement.
  • A 1B divorce is a contested divorce, which initiates the legal divorce process and involves the court system prior to coming to a full agreement. In contrast to a 1A divorce, a 1B divorce may involve more time, attorney involvement, and court intervention. You can still mediate if one spouse has filed a 1B divorce.

4. Determine Who is Part of Your Divorce Team

Decide how you want to be guided in your divorce process. Options include:

There may be other professionals that might help provide the advice you need to inform your decisions, such as a certified divorce financial analyst, a mediation-friendly divorce attorney as a consultant, a certified divorce lending professional, a CPA, and a divorce coach, among others.

5. Collect Necessary Documents

Gather important documents related to your marriage, finances, and assets. These may include:

  1. Marriage certificate
  2. Financial statements and tax returns
  3. Property records
  4. Information about your children (if applicable)

6. Complete Financial Statements

Both you and your spouse will be required to complete financial statements, which outline your income, expenses, assets, and liabilities. This information will help in determining property division, alimony, and child support.

7. Negotiate, Make Decisions, and Draft a Separation Agreement

In a joint petition for divorce (1A) settlement most typically occurs through divorce mediation, attorney negotiation, or Collaborative Law. The formal settlement agreement is called a Separation Agreement. The Separation Agreement will address property division, spousal support, insurance, taxes, and for parents, a parenting plan and child support. A joint petition for divorce empowers spouses to make decisions they believe are fair, reasonable, and equitable, while having the maximal control over their decision-making.

8. For 1A Divorces, File for Divorce

Filing a 1A divorce involves submitting a lot of paperwork to the court, a filing fee of $215, and a marriage license. This is an example of a filing checklist of documents required to file a 1A divorce in Massachusetts.

9. Attend a Court Hearing

If your filing is accepted (the court can reject filings if there are mistakes) a hearing will be scheduled a couple of months from the date of filing. The judge will have reviewed your Separation Agreement and financial statements. You will take the oath that you will tell the truth and then be asked a series of standard questions by the judge, as well as some specific questions related to your circumstances. If all goes well the judge will approve your agreement. The judge may reject parts of your agreement and ask you to make some changes. You can make changes that same day and be heard by the judge again. If that is not possible, a follow-up hearing will be scheduled to review your updated agreement.

10. Divorce Waiting Period

In a 1A divorce once the agreement is approved the judgment will be issued in 30 days (theoretically you could withdraw the divorce in those 30 day). At the 30 day mark you enter the Nisi period which is an additional 90 day waiting period until Divorce Absolute, which is when the divorce is legally finalized (total of 120 days).

Knowing that you don’t know what you don’t know…

It is the mediator’s responsibility to make sure you are fully informed about the divorce process. Clients sometimes lead with “this might be a dumb question” and let me assure you: there is no dumb question. The court process is complicated and confusing and the mediator will provide support and education to be sure you are fully informed about the process.

If you would like to learn more about how divorce mediation or collaborative law might help your situation please schedule a complementary half-hour divorce mediation consultation with Ben Stich or a member of his stellar mediation team.

unhappy unmarried parents needing mediation

Unmarried Parents Mediation

divorce mediation in new hampshire. signing divorce agreement.

Divorce Mediation in New Hampshire

how divorce mediation helps couples divide assets fairly

How Divorce Mediation Helps Couples Divide Assets Fairly

Divorce is overwhelming for so many reasons, not the least of which are the financial implications of separating. Figuring out how to support two households instead of one and still accomplish your financial goals are parts of the challenges of divorce. While asset division is never easy, and hard decisions are required, this post will briefly explain how divorce mediation helps couples divide assets fairly and equitably.

What is asset division?

There is a common misconception that couples are required to divide everything equally. Not so!

Massachusetts follows the principle of “equitable distribution” when dividing property in a divorce. Equitable does not necessarily mean equal; instead, it means dividing assets fairly. The goal is to ensure a just outcome that might be 50/50 but not necessarily 50/50. 

All divorcing couples are required to disclose all financial assets and liabilities to each other and to the court using court financial statements. This includes financial accounts like bank accounts, investment accounts and retirement accounts and real property like the value of real estate, vehicles, and jewelry. All liabilities must also be disclosed. All assets and liabilities need to be addressed in the divorce agreement, which is called a Separation Agreement in Massachusetts.

How divorce mediation helps couples divide assets fairly

Your mediator will guide you through the financial disclosure process and ensure you have both reviewed the other’s financial statement. The mediator will then facilitate a discussion about your financial interests. Interests I often hear about in mediation include:

  • I’d like to be able to afford to be a homeowner
  • I want to be able to retire before I’m 70
  • I want to be able to put the kids through college
  • I want to get debt-free
  • I want to afford to move overseas
  • I’d like to stay in my community so I can remain connected to my congregation and friends

Once interests are determined it easier to work together to decide how to divide assets in way that is fair, reasonable, and equitable.

Consider this example from one of my mediations:

Spouse A wants to be a homeowner and plans to work “until I drop.” They have a large retirement savings from previous jobs.

Spouse B wants to retire at 65. They are a homeowner but have little retirement savings.

Option 1: Divide 50/50.

If they divided things 50/50 Spouse A would not have enough cash to be a homeowner and Spouse B would not have enough retirement savings to retire by 65. They would both lose!

Option 2: Make decisions based on interests.

By making interest-based financial decisions Spouse A received the house and spouse B received a very high percentage of the retirement assets.  Win-win!

Are there other financial issues we need to figure out in our divorce?

Yes! If you are parents decisions need to be made about child support and other child-related expenses like activities, uninsured expenses, and schooling. Spousal support, which is commonly known as alimony, may also be a consideration. Your mediator will guide you through all those decisions.

Can I change my mind about property division after the divorce?

No. All property division in a Separation Agreement functions as an independent contract (the legal term is “survives” the judgment of divorce). That means unless fraud was committed once assets are divided they cannot be undivided by the court. 

How can I learn more about how mediation can help us divide assets fairly?

If you would to learn more about how mediation can help you divide assets fairly schedule a free half-hour consultation with Ben.

Photo by Steven Van Loy on Unsplash

how a mediator can help divorcing couples figure out alimony in Massachusetts

Alimony in Massachusetts

Going through a divorce and figuring out how alimony in Massachusetts works can be confusing, overwhelming, and emotionally taxing. 

What is Alimony in Massachusetts?

Alimony, which is commonly known as spousal support, is financial support that one spouse may pay to the other after a divorce. Its primary purpose is to help the lower-earning spouse maintain a similar standard of living they had during the marriage for a specified duration.

Different Types of Spousal Support in Massachusetts

There are four types of spousal support in Massachusetts.

  1. General Term Alimony: This is typically awarded in longer marriages and provides ongoing financial support to the recipient spouse. There are maximum lengths of alimony based on the length of the marriage: 
    1. Marriages of 5 years or less: 50% of the number of months of the marriage
    2. Marriages of 10 years or less: 60% of the number of months of the marriage
    3. Marriages of 15 years or less: 70% of the number of months of the marriage
    4. Marriages of 20 years or less: 80% of the number of months of the marriage
    5. Marriages more than 20 years: typically, until retirement
  1. Rehabilitative Alimony: Designed to support the recipient spouse while they acquire the necessary skills or education to become financially independent. It has a specific end date. The duration is not to exceed more than five years.

  2. Reimbursement Alimony: Awarded when one spouse supported the other in pursuing higher education or career training during the marriage. The recipient spouse is reimbursed for the support they provided. This only applies to marriages of five years or less.

  3. Transitional Alimony: Provides financial assistance for a short period to help the recipient spouse adjust to a new life situation, such as relocation or reestablishing themselves. This only applies to marriages of five years or less.

Factors Considered in Alimony Determination

When determining negotiating spousal support in mediation couples can take many factors in to account, such as:

  1. Length of the marriage 
  2. Financial needs of both parties 

  3. Income and employability 

  4. Standard of living during the marriage 

  5. Contributions to the marriage — financial (earnings) and non-financial (raising the children)

  6. Age and health 

  7. Other relevant factors: Any other relevant circumstances may be taken into account, such as child support and tax consequences.

Can Alimony Change Over Time in Massachusetts?

Yes. The modifiability of spousal support is something you will decide together in mediation.

Alimony orders in Massachusetts are not usually set in stone. They can be modified if there is a significant change in circumstances for either spouse. For example, if the paying spouse loses their job or the recipient spouse secures a well-paying job, the alimony arrangement might be revisited.

Why it’s important to consult an attorney if you want advice about spousal support

Your mediator will educate you and facilitate your negotiation. However, the mediator will always remain neutral about the decisions you make. The court prefers divorcing couples to seek independent legal counsel (ideally from a mediation-friendly divorce attorney) to help provide guidance. The law around support obligations is complex and getting advice can help folks mediating make better informed decisions.

How can I learn more about how mediation can help us figure out alimony?

If you would to learn more about how mediation can help you figure out alimony in Massachusetts schedule a free half-hour consultation with Ben.

Photo by Cytonn Photography on Unsplash

what is child support in massachusetts

What is Child Support in Massachusetts?

Child support is a crucial aspect of ensuring child well-being when their parents are no longer together. In Massachusetts, as in many other states, child support is a legal obligation and the right of the child that aims to provide financial support to help children maintain a quality standard of living. 

What Does Child Support Cover?

Child support is a regular, monetary payment made by one parent to the other to help cover the costs of raising their child. Child support ensures the children’s basic needs will be provided for in both parents’ homes. It also helps the children enjoy a similar quality of life in both homes. Generally, child support helps to offset a portion of the cost for food (ex. groceries and hygiene), clothing, and shelter (a portion of overhead).

What Does it NOT Cover?

Child support is not intended to provide for all child-related expenses. Most parenting plans include separate arrangements for how to pay for other expenses, such as activities, lessons, and camp; most uninsured medical, dental, vision, and psychological expenses; day-care or private school; and sometimes college.

How do We Calculate Child Support in Massachusetts?

The Commonwealth of Massachusetts requires all divorcing parents to complete the child support worksheet. On the form you will provide the following information:

  • Proportion of time each parent has with the children
  • Number of children
  • Number of children that are above or below 18
  • Gross income of each parent
  • Health, dental and vision insurance premium costs
  • Child care costs
  • Other child support obligations

The calculator will then provide a weekly child support figure.

Do We Need to Use the Number from the Worksheet?

Divorce mediation provides an opportunity for parents to figure out child support in Massachusetts. Parents can follow what the worksheet indicates, known as the guideline order. Or, they can deviate if they believe another amount serves the children’s best interests. Parents often consider the paying parent’s ability to pay and the receiving parent’s needs for providing for the children.

The Massachusetts’ child support guidelines outline a long list of factors to consider in determining child support. A mediator can help guide a constructive negotiation. 

How can I learn more about how mediation can help us with child support?

If you would to learn more about mediation to determine child support schedule a free half-hour consultation with Ben.

Photo by Steven Van Loy on Unsplash

mediation for separated parents

Mediation for Unmarried Parents

Here are some of the questions asked of me during a recent consultation for mediation with unmarried parents:

  • Do I have equal rights as a father?
  • Can I still get child support?
  • What decisions do we need to make for “custody and visitation” (which I refer to as a parenting plan)?
  • What can we submit to the probate and family court?
  • How can mediation help?

Do I have Equal Rights as a Father

Not necessarily.

Married parents are generally viewed as having equal parental rights prior to the filing of a divorce. For unmarried parents, unless and until paternity is established, mothers are provided full custody of the children. Once paternity is established how a judge determines child custody is the same for divorcing or unmarried parents.

The court can grant shared legal custody in a several scenarios, including if parents have entered into an agreement, such as one that might be forged in mediation. The Commonwealth has created a more detailed guide for custody issues for unmarried parents in Massachusetts.

Can I still get Child Support?

Yes!

Child support is the right of the child to have both parents financially contribute to their upbringing. The Massachusetts child support guidelines are the same for unmarried and divorced parents.

What decisions do we need to make for “custody and visitation?”

If there is to be parenting time for both parents a parenting time schedule would be established. Unmarried parents can also develop a more detailed parenting plan that includes how to share holidays, vacation time, and more.

What can we submit to the Probate and Family Court?

There are forms to establish paternity, child support, custody, and parenting time. You can find this information on the unmarried parents page of the probate and family court website.

How can mediation help?

Mediation can help unmarried parents decide together what is the best interests of the children. Mediation keeps the decision-making in the hands of the parents and not a judge who does not know your child. Even if there are disagreements, mediation is a model for conflict resolution that can help unmarried parents find common ground in a more private, faster, cheaper, and child-centered manner.

 

divorce advice

Divorce Advice: Interview with the Divorce Resource Guy Podcast

Ben discusses his approach to divorce mediation and divorce advice with The Divorce Resource Guy, Jason Levoy!

 

Divorce Coach

Jason Levoy is a former divorce attorney, now turned divorce coach. His mission is to educate, empower and help you understand the divorce process from an attorney’s point of view. Jason’s coaching will provide you the tools and knowledge you need to communicate effectively during your divorce.

His goal is to empower you with the information you NEED TO KNOW so you can make the best decisions in your divorce and your life.

Let’s Talk Divorce Mediation Advice

Jason and I had a wonderful conversation about the ways divorce mediation can help couples resolve their divorce outside of litigation. I hope you take a moment to listen to learn how mediation might help you and the support Jason provides to his divorce coaching clients.

How can I learn more about family and divorce mediation?

If you would to learn more about divorce and family mediation schedule a free half-hour consultation with Ben.

Photo by Neil Thomas on Unsplash

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Transformative Moments in Co-Parenting Mediation

Co-Parenting Mediation: Setting the Stage

I recently ended a co-parenting mediation session between two unmarried parents, and the outcome they’re hoping for may transform their relationship in a way neither expected. Let me set the stage—this was not a low-conflict situation. They came to me for parenting mediation because of several significant issues:

  • The father had filed a restraining order against the mother last summer.
  • The mother lost income due to charges filed by the Commonwealth.
  • They have three children, ages 5 to 14, who primarily live with the father, though the mother has regular parenting time.
  • The father’s rent is below market value, but his lease isn’t being renewed, and he cannot afford to stay in the community.
  • The father believes the mother hasn’t been transparent about her financial situation in court.
  • The mother thinks the father is vindictive and trying to hurt her.
  • The father is considering moving out of state to live closer to family in a more affordable area.
  • The mother wants to be as involved in the children’s lives as possible.
  • The father dropped the restraining order the week before mediation began.

As you can see, this wasn’t a simple or cooperative dynamic.

Preparing for Co-Parenting Mediation

Before our joint mediation session, I met with each parent privately. These pre-mediation prep sessions are especially important when the conflict level is high. It gave each of them space to share their history and concerns with me without having to revisit it in front of each other. This approach can help shift the focus from rehashing the past to building a better future.

During these sessions, we explored their goals, communication styles, and what might trigger conflict. We also talked about what they both wanted for their children. Surprisingly, despite their differences, they shared many common goals:

  • Rebuilding trust.
  • Establishing more financial transparency.
  • Putting the children’s interests ahead of their own.

What a Moment!

When we came together for mediation, it became clear that the father had a lot he hadn’t said to the mother—things that could help them move toward a better co-parenting relationship.

With tears streaming down his face, he said:

“I believe I made the right decision to file the restraining order when everything happened. But I didn’t realize all the other problems it would cause. I’m sorry for the embarrassment you faced, for the money you lost because of your jobs. I’m sorry for what it’s done to our relationship. I’m truly sorry. I want to do what I can to help us get to a better place.”

It was an authentic apology—raw, heartfelt, and unexpected.

The conversation that followed wasn’t easy. They tackled difficult financial issues and explored out-of-the-box ideas to meet their shared goals. But something shifted in the room.

Moving Forward Together as Co-Parents

They have a lot of work ahead, but now they’re working together toward:

  • Rebuilding trust.
  • Establishing financial transparency.
  • Prioritizing their children’s well-being.

At the end of the session, the mother looked at the father and said, “I’m so glad you agreed to mediate with me. I feel relieved, and I know we’re going to figure this out. Thank you.”

The father looked up and said, misty-eyed, “Me too.”

 

 

Hopeful Stock photos by Vecteezy

divorce special needs mediation

Divorce and Special Needs

Divorce and Special Needs Parenting 

Parenting children with special needs is complex, and made even more challenging when balancing it with a divorce.

There are so many questions. How do you divide time and responsibilities in a way that best supports your child? What type of parenting schedule will set your child up for success? How can you best coordinate services between two homes?

Divorce mediation is a process that allows you, as parents, to craft a plan that best meets your children’s needs. By doing so, the plan does not need to be cookie-cutter and can be developed with carefully consideration, together.

You can find below examples of how developing a parenting plan in a mediated divorce can be guided by your child’s unique needs.

Note, the examples are used for illustrative purposes only, and should not be construed as legal or clinical advice related to parenting children with disabilities.

Autism Example

Co-parenting a child with autism often requires consistency, structure, and clear communication. Many children with autism thrive on routines, so a parenting plan needs to account for that. Mediation allows you to work together on creating a schedule that minimizes disruptions—things like bedtimes, meal routines, and school pickups. For an elementary-age child who depends on predictable routines, having two parents aligned on these details can be a game-changer.

In mediation, you can also collaborate on special needs services like therapy or social skills groups. Instead of turning it into a tug-of-war, mediation makes it possible to build a united front. After all, there are only so many meltdowns you can take over switching dinner time from 6:00 to 6:15, right? And so developing a plan together can mitigate some of these predictable challenges.

ADHD Example

Middle school can be tough for any child, but when you add ADHD to the mix, it can be a whole new level of challenge. A child with ADHD—especially if they’re disorganized or struggle with focus—needs a parenting plan that keeps them on track across both households. Mediation allows you as co-parents to establish consistent expectations for each other–such as how to manage transferring schoolbooks, sports equipment, instruments and so on between homes. If communication between you is difficult without the help of a third-party facilitator, mediation also provides an opportunity to decide on expectations for your child across homes, like homework routines, organization strategies, and even how to handle screen time.

Through mediation, you can also discuss how to support your child with executive functioning challenges. Maybe one of you is better at helping with schoolwork, while they are great at fostering creative outlets—mediation lets you divide responsibilities based on strengths, not just splitting time down the middle.

Severe Medical Needs Example

High school brings its own challenges, and for parents of a child with severe medical needs, things can get especially tricky. Whether it’s managing doctor appointments, medications, or emergency plans, a lot of coordination is required. Mediation can help you agree on how to handle medical decision-making and communication with healthcare providers.

A parenting plan can also account for your work schedules and proximity to medical facilities, ensuring that your child’s medical needs are met without unnecessary stress. With mediation, you can fine-tune these logistics and even divide tasks like those never-ending calls to the insurance company, school, and state agencies.

Anxiety Example

Teenagers already dealing with significant anxiety, divorce can add to their stress. A high schooler with anxiety might need extra emotional support, and mediation can help you agree on how to best provide it—whether that’s ensuring consistency in therapy sessions, maintaining a calm and supportive environment, or even aligning on how you’ll approach big events like school dances (because “everyone is going, Mom!”).

In mediation, you can also discuss strategies for managing transitions between homes, which can be particularly stressful for anxious kids. Creating a plan, for example, that minimizes abrupt changes and offers plenty of reassurance might make a world of difference. No judge or attorney is going to know how best to reduce YOUR child’s anxiety, after all!

Transitioning-Age Youth Example

For parents of children with severe special needs, the transition to adulthood comes with unique challenges. In divorce mediation, care must be given to crucial issues such as guardianship, eligibility for government or private agency benefits, employment opportunities, social skills development, and even long-term custodial care. Unlike typically developing children—where child support and custody usually end at the age of majority or after college—parents of children with special needs may be looking at life-long caregiving responsibilities. Mediation allows both of you to address these long-term realities and create a co-parenting plan that ensures the best possible future for your child, even as they transition into adulthood.

Why Divorce Mediation Helps Parents of Children with Special Needs

One of the beauties of divorce mediation is its flexibility. Unlike court-imposed solutions, mediation allows you, as co-parents, to create a parenting plan that is uniquely tailored to your child’s needs. You can think through the little details, talk openly about concerns, and come up with solutions that work for your family—without the added drama of courtroom battles.

In the end, mediation offers a chance for you to focus less on the “divorce” part and more on the “parenting” part. After all, whether you are wrangling an ADHD middle-schooler or navigating life with a medically complex high-schooler, raising kids is already a full-time job. Working together in mediation, even if it’s hard, can set the stage for a plan that meets the special needs of your child and family.

If you would like to learn more about how divorce mediation or collaborative law might help your situation please schedule a complementary half-hour divorce mediation consultation with Ben Stich or a member of his stellar mediation team.

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how to get an uncontested divorce in Massachusetts

Steps for Getting an Uncontested Divorce in Massachusetts

When I start divorce mediation consultations most clients explain how they need help understanding the complex divorce process in Massachusetts. Many feel like they do not know much about it, often saying, We need guidance because we don’t know what we don’t know!

Steps for Getting an Uncontested Divorce in Massachusetts

1. Ensure you Meet Residency Requirements

Either one spouse has lived in Massachusetts for a year, or the cause of the divorce happened in Massachusetts while the couple was residing there, and one spouse is still living in the state at the time of filing.

2. Understand the Grounds for Divorce

Massachusetts offers both “no-fault” and “fault-based” divorce options. A “no-fault” divorce means that neither spouse is to blame for the end of the marriage, while a “fault-based” divorce involves alleging wrongdoing, such as adultery or cruelty. 1A divorces are “no-fault” based on an “irretrievable breakdown of the marriage.”

3. Understand “1A” and “1B” Paths of Getting a Divorce in Massachusetts

There are two ways of filing for divorce:

  • A 1A divorce is an uncontested divorce. The “filing for divorce” happens at the end of the divorce negotiation. The filing involves submitting divorce paperwork to the Probate and Family Court to request a hearing for a judge to review (and hopefully approve!) the divorce agreement.
  • A 1B divorce is a contested divorce, which initiates the legal divorce process and involves the court system prior to coming to a full agreement. In contrast to a 1A divorce, a 1B divorce may involve more time, attorney involvement, and court intervention. You can still mediate if one spouse has filed a 1B divorce.

4. Determine Who is Part of Your Divorce Team

Decide how you want to be guided in your divorce process. Options include:

There may be other professionals that might help provide the advice you need to inform your decisions, such as a certified divorce financial analyst, a mediation-friendly divorce attorney as a consultant, a certified divorce lending professional, a CPA, and a divorce coach, among others.

5. Collect Necessary Documents

Gather important documents related to your marriage, finances, and assets. These may include:

  1. Marriage certificate
  2. Financial statements and tax returns
  3. Property records
  4. Information about your children (if applicable)

6. Complete Financial Statements

Both you and your spouse will be required to complete financial statements, which outline your income, expenses, assets, and liabilities. This information will help in determining property division, alimony, and child support.

7. Negotiate, Make Decisions, and Draft a Separation Agreement

In a joint petition for divorce (1A) settlement most typically occurs through divorce mediation, attorney negotiation, or Collaborative Law. The formal settlement agreement is called a Separation Agreement. The Separation Agreement will address property division, spousal support, insurance, taxes, and for parents, a parenting plan and child support. A joint petition for divorce empowers spouses to make decisions they believe are fair, reasonable, and equitable, while having the maximal control over their decision-making.

8. For 1A Divorces, File for Divorce

Filing a 1A divorce involves submitting a lot of paperwork to the court, a filing fee of $215, and a marriage license. This is an example of a filing checklist of documents required to file a 1A divorce in Massachusetts.

9. Attend a Court Hearing

If your filing is accepted (the court can reject filings if there are mistakes) a hearing will be scheduled a couple of months from the date of filing. The judge will have reviewed your Separation Agreement and financial statements. You will take the oath that you will tell the truth and then be asked a series of standard questions by the judge, as well as some specific questions related to your circumstances. If all goes well the judge will approve your agreement. The judge may reject parts of your agreement and ask you to make some changes. You can make changes that same day and be heard by the judge again. If that is not possible, a follow-up hearing will be scheduled to review your updated agreement.

10. Divorce Waiting Period

In a 1A divorce once the agreement is approved the judgment will be issued in 30 days (theoretically you could withdraw the divorce in those 30 day). At the 30 day mark you enter the Nisi period which is an additional 90 day waiting period until Divorce Absolute, which is when the divorce is legally finalized (total of 120 days).

Knowing that you don’t know what you don’t know…

It is the mediator’s responsibility to make sure you are fully informed about the divorce process. Clients sometimes lead with “this might be a dumb question” and let me assure you: there is no dumb question. The court process is complicated and confusing and the mediator will provide support and education to be sure you are fully informed about the process.

If you would like to learn more about how divorce mediation or collaborative law might help your situation please schedule a complementary half-hour divorce mediation consultation with Ben Stich or a member of his stellar mediation team.

unhappy unmarried parents needing mediation

Unmarried Parents Mediation

divorce mediation in new hampshire. signing divorce agreement.

Divorce Mediation in New Hampshire

how divorce mediation helps couples divide assets fairly

How Divorce Mediation Helps Couples Divide Assets Fairly

Divorce is overwhelming for so many reasons, not the least of which are the financial implications of separating. Figuring out how to support two households instead of one and still accomplish your financial goals are parts of the challenges of divorce. While asset division is never easy, and hard decisions are required, this post will briefly explain how divorce mediation helps couples divide assets fairly and equitably.

What is asset division?

There is a common misconception that couples are required to divide everything equally. Not so!

Massachusetts follows the principle of “equitable distribution” when dividing property in a divorce. Equitable does not necessarily mean equal; instead, it means dividing assets fairly. The goal is to ensure a just outcome that might be 50/50 but not necessarily 50/50. 

All divorcing couples are required to disclose all financial assets and liabilities to each other and to the court using court financial statements. This includes financial accounts like bank accounts, investment accounts and retirement accounts and real property like the value of real estate, vehicles, and jewelry. All liabilities must also be disclosed. All assets and liabilities need to be addressed in the divorce agreement, which is called a Separation Agreement in Massachusetts.

How divorce mediation helps couples divide assets fairly

Your mediator will guide you through the financial disclosure process and ensure you have both reviewed the other’s financial statement. The mediator will then facilitate a discussion about your financial interests. Interests I often hear about in mediation include:

  • I’d like to be able to afford to be a homeowner
  • I want to be able to retire before I’m 70
  • I want to be able to put the kids through college
  • I want to get debt-free
  • I want to afford to move overseas
  • I’d like to stay in my community so I can remain connected to my congregation and friends

Once interests are determined it easier to work together to decide how to divide assets in way that is fair, reasonable, and equitable.

Consider this example from one of my mediations:

Spouse A wants to be a homeowner and plans to work “until I drop.” They have a large retirement savings from previous jobs.

Spouse B wants to retire at 65. They are a homeowner but have little retirement savings.

Option 1: Divide 50/50.

If they divided things 50/50 Spouse A would not have enough cash to be a homeowner and Spouse B would not have enough retirement savings to retire by 65. They would both lose!

Option 2: Make decisions based on interests.

By making interest-based financial decisions Spouse A received the house and spouse B received a very high percentage of the retirement assets.  Win-win!

Are there other financial issues we need to figure out in our divorce?

Yes! If you are parents decisions need to be made about child support and other child-related expenses like activities, uninsured expenses, and schooling. Spousal support, which is commonly known as alimony, may also be a consideration. Your mediator will guide you through all those decisions.

Can I change my mind about property division after the divorce?

No. All property division in a Separation Agreement functions as an independent contract (the legal term is “survives” the judgment of divorce). That means unless fraud was committed once assets are divided they cannot be undivided by the court. 

How can I learn more about how mediation can help us divide assets fairly?

If you would to learn more about how mediation can help you divide assets fairly schedule a free half-hour consultation with Ben.

Photo by Steven Van Loy on Unsplash

how a mediator can help divorcing couples figure out alimony in Massachusetts

Alimony in Massachusetts

Going through a divorce and figuring out how alimony in Massachusetts works can be confusing, overwhelming, and emotionally taxing. 

What is Alimony in Massachusetts?

Alimony, which is commonly known as spousal support, is financial support that one spouse may pay to the other after a divorce. Its primary purpose is to help the lower-earning spouse maintain a similar standard of living they had during the marriage for a specified duration.

Different Types of Spousal Support in Massachusetts

There are four types of spousal support in Massachusetts.

  1. General Term Alimony: This is typically awarded in longer marriages and provides ongoing financial support to the recipient spouse. There are maximum lengths of alimony based on the length of the marriage: 
    1. Marriages of 5 years or less: 50% of the number of months of the marriage
    2. Marriages of 10 years or less: 60% of the number of months of the marriage
    3. Marriages of 15 years or less: 70% of the number of months of the marriage
    4. Marriages of 20 years or less: 80% of the number of months of the marriage
    5. Marriages more than 20 years: typically, until retirement
  1. Rehabilitative Alimony: Designed to support the recipient spouse while they acquire the necessary skills or education to become financially independent. It has a specific end date. The duration is not to exceed more than five years.

  2. Reimbursement Alimony: Awarded when one spouse supported the other in pursuing higher education or career training during the marriage. The recipient spouse is reimbursed for the support they provided. This only applies to marriages of five years or less.

  3. Transitional Alimony: Provides financial assistance for a short period to help the recipient spouse adjust to a new life situation, such as relocation or reestablishing themselves. This only applies to marriages of five years or less.

Factors Considered in Alimony Determination

When determining negotiating spousal support in mediation couples can take many factors in to account, such as:

  1. Length of the marriage 
  2. Financial needs of both parties 

  3. Income and employability 

  4. Standard of living during the marriage 

  5. Contributions to the marriage — financial (earnings) and non-financial (raising the children)

  6. Age and health 

  7. Other relevant factors: Any other relevant circumstances may be taken into account, such as child support and tax consequences.

Can Alimony Change Over Time in Massachusetts?

Yes. The modifiability of spousal support is something you will decide together in mediation.

Alimony orders in Massachusetts are not usually set in stone. They can be modified if there is a significant change in circumstances for either spouse. For example, if the paying spouse loses their job or the recipient spouse secures a well-paying job, the alimony arrangement might be revisited.

Why it’s important to consult an attorney if you want advice about spousal support

Your mediator will educate you and facilitate your negotiation. However, the mediator will always remain neutral about the decisions you make. The court prefers divorcing couples to seek independent legal counsel (ideally from a mediation-friendly divorce attorney) to help provide guidance. The law around support obligations is complex and getting advice can help folks mediating make better informed decisions.

How can I learn more about how mediation can help us figure out alimony?

If you would to learn more about how mediation can help you figure out alimony in Massachusetts schedule a free half-hour consultation with Ben.

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what is child support in massachusetts

What is Child Support in Massachusetts?

Child support is a crucial aspect of ensuring child well-being when their parents are no longer together. In Massachusetts, as in many other states, child support is a legal obligation and the right of the child that aims to provide financial support to help children maintain a quality standard of living. 

What Does Child Support Cover?

Child support is a regular, monetary payment made by one parent to the other to help cover the costs of raising their child. Child support ensures the children’s basic needs will be provided for in both parents’ homes. It also helps the children enjoy a similar quality of life in both homes. Generally, child support helps to offset a portion of the cost for food (ex. groceries and hygiene), clothing, and shelter (a portion of overhead).

What Does it NOT Cover?

Child support is not intended to provide for all child-related expenses. Most parenting plans include separate arrangements for how to pay for other expenses, such as activities, lessons, and camp; most uninsured medical, dental, vision, and psychological expenses; day-care or private school; and sometimes college.

How do We Calculate Child Support in Massachusetts?

The Commonwealth of Massachusetts requires all divorcing parents to complete the child support worksheet. On the form you will provide the following information:

  • Proportion of time each parent has with the children
  • Number of children
  • Number of children that are above or below 18
  • Gross income of each parent
  • Health, dental and vision insurance premium costs
  • Child care costs
  • Other child support obligations

The calculator will then provide a weekly child support figure.

Do We Need to Use the Number from the Worksheet?

Divorce mediation provides an opportunity for parents to figure out child support in Massachusetts. Parents can follow what the worksheet indicates, known as the guideline order. Or, they can deviate if they believe another amount serves the children’s best interests. Parents often consider the paying parent’s ability to pay and the receiving parent’s needs for providing for the children.

The Massachusetts’ child support guidelines outline a long list of factors to consider in determining child support. A mediator can help guide a constructive negotiation. 

How can I learn more about how mediation can help us with child support?

If you would to learn more about mediation to determine child support schedule a free half-hour consultation with Ben.

Photo by Steven Van Loy on Unsplash

mediation for separated parents

Mediation for Unmarried Parents

Here are some of the questions asked of me during a recent consultation for mediation with unmarried parents:

  • Do I have equal rights as a father?
  • Can I still get child support?
  • What decisions do we need to make for “custody and visitation” (which I refer to as a parenting plan)?
  • What can we submit to the probate and family court?
  • How can mediation help?

Do I have Equal Rights as a Father

Not necessarily.

Married parents are generally viewed as having equal parental rights prior to the filing of a divorce. For unmarried parents, unless and until paternity is established, mothers are provided full custody of the children. Once paternity is established how a judge determines child custody is the same for divorcing or unmarried parents.

The court can grant shared legal custody in a several scenarios, including if parents have entered into an agreement, such as one that might be forged in mediation. The Commonwealth has created a more detailed guide for custody issues for unmarried parents in Massachusetts.

Can I still get Child Support?

Yes!

Child support is the right of the child to have both parents financially contribute to their upbringing. The Massachusetts child support guidelines are the same for unmarried and divorced parents.

What decisions do we need to make for “custody and visitation?”

If there is to be parenting time for both parents a parenting time schedule would be established. Unmarried parents can also develop a more detailed parenting plan that includes how to share holidays, vacation time, and more.

What can we submit to the Probate and Family Court?

There are forms to establish paternity, child support, custody, and parenting time. You can find this information on the unmarried parents page of the probate and family court website.

How can mediation help?

Mediation can help unmarried parents decide together what is the best interests of the children. Mediation keeps the decision-making in the hands of the parents and not a judge who does not know your child. Even if there are disagreements, mediation is a model for conflict resolution that can help unmarried parents find common ground in a more private, faster, cheaper, and child-centered manner.

 

divorce advice

Divorce Advice: Interview with the Divorce Resource Guy Podcast

Ben discusses his approach to divorce mediation and divorce advice with The Divorce Resource Guy, Jason Levoy!

 

Divorce Coach

Jason Levoy is a former divorce attorney, now turned divorce coach. His mission is to educate, empower and help you understand the divorce process from an attorney’s point of view. Jason’s coaching will provide you the tools and knowledge you need to communicate effectively during your divorce.

His goal is to empower you with the information you NEED TO KNOW so you can make the best decisions in your divorce and your life.

Let’s Talk Divorce Mediation Advice

Jason and I had a wonderful conversation about the ways divorce mediation can help couples resolve their divorce outside of litigation. I hope you take a moment to listen to learn how mediation might help you and the support Jason provides to his divorce coaching clients.

How can I learn more about family and divorce mediation?

If you would to learn more about divorce and family mediation schedule a free half-hour consultation with Ben.

Photo by Neil Thomas on Unsplash